The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am not someone who loves the winter weather, but in spite of that, I find that this is my favorite time of the year. With Christmas fast approaching, it is a time when we remember how very loved we are, and in turn, we are able to show love to others. It is a time to think of family and friends, a chance to show our appreciation to those who teach our children, an opportunity to start new traditions and uphold old ones. It is a time to think of those who are in need…of a smile, a friend, warm clothes. It is a time when little ones like my Emma go against what child development says about egocentricity and think of others before themselves. The other day, we were busy making Christmas gifts for loved ones in Emma and Lily’s lives. As soon as I thought we were finished, Emma would think of someone new. At the end, she said we had two more to do, one for God and one for Jesus. She has been asking a lot of questions this year, and it is interesting to see her understanding of Christmas grow and change. On our last mommy / daughter date, we spent our time together shopping for a four-year-old girl. I told Emma that this little girl didn’t have new clothes or toys to play with, and she was instantly committed to making this a special Christmas for her. As we shopped at Target, she spotted many things that she was sure this little girl would love. When I stopped to check out a winter hat and mittens for Emma, she wisely reminded me, “Mommy, we need to be getting things for the little girl who doesn’t have anything, not me.” My heart melted, and a lady passing by gave an audible, “awww!” Sometimes I think we underestimate our kids and how much they can appreciate the giving nature of the season. Though, before I give the perception that Emma is not still a three-year-old, by the time we got to the second store, she told me that both she and the little girl would love to have a Barbie. We bought one Barbie, and thankfully Emma was still very excited to give it away. I have decided to make our shopping trip a yearly date, with us focusing on someone we have never met yet hope to give a little bit merrier Christmas.

The giving spirit is in the air this time of year. A friend of mine said that her daughter was doing jobs around the house to buy Emma a present for Christmas. Emma was excited when I shared this idea, and she promptly started to work doing jobs that are above and beyond her usual chores. She dusted all of the woodwork, vacuumed the steps, and asked for even more work. She is saving her dimes and quarters to go to the dollar store and pick out a couple of items for her friends. Saturday, she took some of the hard-earned money and brought it to church to help buy kids in Uganda clean water. I am proud of her thoughtfulness and glad that she willingly gave without me having to convince her. Part of the magic of the holidays is traditions, those things we know we can look forward to and look back on with those we love. A Christmas tradition I started this year is to buy a new dated Christmas ornament for each girl that I will place in her stocking. As I hung ornaments on our tree that were mine from the 70s and 80s, I thought of my girls being able to reminisce about their childhoods each year when they are grown. I decided that they will each have a collection to begin their Christmas tree someday. Thankfully, their aunt and uncle and grandparents already started this collection. I look forward to continuing it. This year, I chose an ornament for Lily that has a bear dressed for the outdoors because she loves to be outside and an ornament entitled “Snow Buddies” for Emma because of all of her new preschool friends. A tradition I started two years ago was to have Christmas pancakes on Christmas morning. I simply press a cookie cutter in the top of each pancake, and it makes an already lovable food even more festive. Plus, it is a simple food to make and easy to fit in even with all of the excitement of kids and presents. I can taste the maple syrup already! As Christmas approaches, I can feel the excitement in the air. Nineteen-month-old Lily even celebrated by spelling her name for the first time on Saturday. She must know that there is something special about December. To cap off an already great start to December, we had our family pictures taken. Yes, hope did spring anew, but so did wisdom. This time, I took an entire support system. Conant met us there, and Grandpa and Grandma came along to help us get some smiles. Emma told me that she was going to “listen the whole time” because she remembered how disappointed I was after the first experience. Lily seemed to put all of her effort into being cooperative, as well. I am so happy with our new pictures and even happier about the people in them.

I have always loved Christmas, but for me, having children makes it sweeter, more meaningful, filled with greater anticipation and gratitude and gifts. As I look at our Christmas tree with ornaments filled with memories and meaning, as I gaze at the presents that will bring smiles to others, as I think of how loved we are and how blessed we are, I am so grateful for this truly wonderful time of the year. It may be cold outside, but may the season warm each one of us from the inside out.

Laugh Out Loud

This past week, the girls have given us some good belly laughs. The other day, Conant came home from work for a very quick lunch. I had food waiting for him. He quickly ate and then, being helpful as usual, he prepared to wash his dishes. I didn’t want him to have to rush to get back for his meeting, so I said, “Just leave it, please. I’ll take care of it.” Emma looked right at me, took on a defensive stance, and with much intonation, said, “Don’t talk about my father that way. He’s not crazy. He’s a genius!” Conant and I looked at each other in shock that Emma would talk to me like this, and then realization hit. Recently, I let Emma watch her first Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, and after a moment, I recognized her line as one that Belle passionately delivers in the movie. I whispered, “Beauty and the Beast” to Conant. Much as we tried to contain ourselves, we let out a few giggles as Emma continued to say the line again and again with conviction. She is so good at delivering lines spot on. She gets the emotion of the scene and delivers it well…so well, in fact, that I couldn’t even reprimand her for “talking to her mother that way.” Last Wednesday, on our way to school, Emma was so excited that it was her share day. Once a week, she gets to choose an item to bring to school to show to her classmates. As we rode to preschool that morning, she joyfully announced, "This is the day dreams come true!" 

  

Lily gives us lots of reasons to smile and makes us laugh, too. Every time she hears the word “birthday,” she breaks into song: “Hap-py!” Whether she hears it faintly from another room or is sitting right by the person kind enough to mention a birthday, she belts out “Hap-py” with the same enthusiasm. Since her big sister likes to have a pretend birthday almost every day, she’s in luck. She gets an opportunity to sing quite regularly. The other day, I told her that Emma was tired. She looked at me and said, “Sssshhh, quiet.” I guess she’s heard me tell her to be quiet enough mornings when she wakes up before Emma. It sounded so cute coming from her eighteen-month-old mouth. It was not delivered in a scolding way…more with a big, dimpled, couldn’t-be-prouder grin. 

And as I sit here with a grin of my own on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am so thankful for two little girls who make us laugh as they learn about language and life.

Is a Picture Worth a Thousand...

…gray hairs? That is what I found myself asking yesterday. Thursday is currently my favorite day of the week, simply because I have nothing concrete scheduled, nothing to get two kids ready for, nothing to rush out the door for in the morning. We can go to library story time or have grandparents over or run errands or make homemade granola. The possibilities are endless. So, when I woke up yesterday to a Thursday, I was excited, hopeful, optimistic, ready to be super mom (or more accurately at least not a super overscheduled, super stressed, super hurried mom.) Then, I got (in retrospect) a not-so-bright idea. I would get the girls and myself ready and go get pictures taken to surprise Conant and the grandparents for Christmas. The plan seemed simple enough…choose outfits, do three heads of hair in photo worthy styles (I wanted one picture of all three of us for Conant’s office), secure an appointment, ask for a female photographer since my girls are leery of men they don’t know, make sure bellies are very full and children are rested. We spent over an hour preparing for our appointment. I ironed, kept clothes on top of their clothes until the last second, wiped their faces until they shined, took along extra clothes just in case, and loaded us into the minivan. We arrived at the photo studio all smiles. Then, the nice photographer took us back to the room, and Lily began to sob as if someone was trying to rip her from my arms or had just told her that she could not have seconds of her favorite snack. (And yes, these two traumatic events currently elicit the same amount and intensity of crying from her.) Several minutes and two very puffy, tear-filled eyes later, I removed Lily from the room, worked to soothe her, wiped her eyes and face, and took her back in to try again. She continued to be extremely challenging and refused to have her picture taken without me holding her. My hope was to get sister pictures for the grandparents. I had a great coupon, a great attitude, and a great amount of false hope. After a while of listening to my 18-month-old scream, the nice lady politely suggested she download the pictures to see what we had. We both knew that what we had was a big waste of digital memory space. I love my children and am supposed to say that they couldn’t take a bad picture, but they took a lot of them yesterday. After we reviewed the pictures and agreed that there was not a single one that was usable, I tentatively asked the photographer if we could try a few with the girls sitting on a little bench. I knew Lily would love the bench. Sure enough, she smiled and felt like a big girl. The problem at this point was that Emma was done. She had cooperated (though half-heartedly) during Lily’s hysteria, and she did not have anything left to give. After looking at the second set of pictures, I told the lady, with great embarrassment, that I could buy some pictures to make it worth her time, but they would not be going out to relatives or going on our wall. She mercifully told me that I didn’t have to, and we could reschedule. I replied that I would not bring my children back until we were to a point where they would actually have their picture taken (willingly and without disturbing the entire mall.) I think she was secretly doing back flips, but she respectfully concealed her relief. As we were talking, though, she actually told Emma to be quiet. I could tell she was at the end of her patience. I had left my patience behind about twenty minutes into the session. As I buckled Emma into her car seat, she looked at me and said, “Mommy, you look very sad.” I answered, “I am very sad. I really wanted to surprise Daddy and Grandpa and Grandma with some nice pictures.” Emma carefully thought this over, then said, “You are sad, so I am sad, too. I am sad because you are my friend, Mommy. You are my friend, and I love you. If you are sad, I am sad.” Conant got home shortly after we did, and he saw my crushed face. I went downstairs to collect myself, and I could hear him questioning the girls. Emma said, “Mommy is so sad because we didn’t get any pictures. Peanut was crying. “Conant wisely asked, “And were you being a good listener to Mommy?” Emma honestly answered, “A little bit. I’ll try harder next time. I am sad because Mommy’s sad. She’s my best friend.” Conant answered, “She’s my best friend, too.” All of this sweetness helped make me feel a bit better about the day, but I still felt as though I had left my zest for Thursdays and mothering behind halfway through our photo session. Most days, I would tell you that being a mom is tough but wonderful. Yesterday, all I felt was tough. I am so grateful for my two beautiful girls. I am beyond thankful that they are healthy, sweet, and a much wanted part of our family. I guess I just wanted to capture that beauty and sweetness for our loved ones and for our family’s posterity. As ridiculous as it sounds, it hurt my feelings when the girls wouldn’t cooperate for something so important to me. My husband gently reminded me that Lily is one-and-a-half. Perhaps I should have talked to him before I had the bright idea to go in the first place. So, Emma and Lily, when you ask me some day why we don’t have professional pictures of the two of you, it is because I decided that, for now, a picture is not worth getting a thousand gray hairs, crying a hundred tears, or making a couple of photographers cringe when they see our family. Daddy takes many wonderful pictures of the two of you, and for now, that will have to be enough…at least until next week, when I might decide to have our annual family Christmas photo taken. For, in motherhood, hope always springs anew. We see the possibilities in our kids, and somehow, we forget the exhaustion when we look into their faces. All we see is love. When I woke up today, I didn’t see two little girls who wouldn’t smile for the camera. I saw two gifts from God who make me smile every day. And that is worth more than a thousand pictures.

Laughter and Love

Laughter: Emma makes us laugh regularly now. Sometimes she is trying to be silly, and sometimes she is really funny without trying at all. Last night, as we were making dinner for some friends, we lit a candle. Emma asked whose birthday it was. This was a logical question, given that she had two friends’ birthday parties this weekend. We told her it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. Then, she said, “I know! It’s the first night of Hanukkah.” Though we used to live in a very diverse area, that was before Emma was born. She has actually never talked to anyone who celebrates Hanukkah, but in the past, we have let her learn about other holidays through a Sesame Street video. Obviously she’s just been watching for signs that we’re beginning the Hanukkah celebration. Along those same lines, she likes to get really close to Lily, especially when we’re not in the room, and quietly ask her, “How do you celebrate Kwanzaa, baby?” I’ve come around the corner more than once to happen upon this sweet scene. 

Love: Emma really knows how to show love. We were eating lunch with Grandma when Emma said that she wanted to take Grandma to a restaurant in town. I told her that Daddy would take her on their upcoming daddy / daughter date. Emma adores Daddy, but she said, “No, I want to take Grandma.” I asked her why. She replied, “Because she’s my best friend.” I think it made Grandma’s week! We have started playing this Mad – Sad – Glad game that I learned about at my church Mom to Mom group. Emma loves it. The first night we played, I asked her and my hubby what had made them glad, sad, and mad that day. After the two of them had gone, the subject somehow got changed. Emma persisted, though, and said, “Excuse me, Mommy. What made you glad today?” She is thoughtful to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, and she wanted to make sure I didn’t get left out. When Daddy has to go on business trips, she eagerly colors him pictures and dictates notes to him. We hide them in his suitcase, and she talks about how Daddy is in “Connecticut.” If Lily is desperate for a doll, even if it’s one Emma really wants to play with, she usually gives Lily a turn with it. If Lily is crying, Emma will sometimes start giggling just to get baby sister feeling better and giggling with her. After Emma went to a classmate’s spa / doll / tea party birthday spectacular this weekend, I asked her what her favorite parts of the party were. She answered “the snack” and “bringing a present to my friend, Lily.” She truly loves to give (and she also loves to eat!) Emma continues to be a tender, thoughtful kid. We are thankful for the smiles she gives us and how she tugs on our heartstrings.

One-On-One Fun With the Youngest One

Though we miss Emma while she is at preschool, she absolutely loves it there. She has told me, “Mommy, I don’t cry at preschool because I am so happy there.” So, it is without guilt that Lily and I very much enjoy our chance for one-on-one time while big sister is having the time of her life. There are definitely mornings when I clean the house, do laundry, run errands, and generally try to catch up when I have one sweet monkey here instead of two, but then there are the other mornings, the ones when it is Lily’s time. We read, we play, and we find out who Lily is without a big sister around. They are sweet friends and great playmates, but it is nice to know what Lily likes to do when there is no one to follow or to negotiate toy rights with, no one to influence her or to answer questions before Lily gets a chance. Though Emma has been a very kind big sister the vast majority of the time, it can be tough always being littler, trying to keep up in a much smaller body. When Lily and I are alone, she doesn’t try to keep up. She just is. And I get to watch that, and I get to smile. I feel like this one-on-one time gives Lily the best of both worlds…a big sister who is a lot of fun to learn from and time alone with Mommy to giggle and grow. I think Lily’s favorite activity is our Music Together class with Teacher Donna. She squeals with delight, claps with the music, walks around, and joins in with some of the words and sounds. She is absolutely joyful while we are there, and she beams much of the time. If you even mention Teacher Donna’s name, she starts singing “Hu-llo,” slapping her hands on her legs like we do in the opening song, and making funny sounds on her lips just like Teacher Donna does. We have fun at home, too. This morning, Lily spent at least fifteen minutes just rocking her favorite baby, which happens to be Emma’s baby. She cuddled her and smiled at her, caring for her with such a warm motherly touch that it kept me from laughing at the fact that the doll is truly almost as big as Lily is. She “fed” me from the play dishes from the play kitchen. We read together as she confidently told me the animal sounds and eagerly listened to her books. She soaked up the mommy time, the cuddles, the sweet stillness of a quiet house. Even when we are alone, though, she is still independent. When her nose got messy, she blew it herself, and when her diaper needed changing, she told me. I marvel sometimes at how young she has been when she has wanted to feed herself, blow her nose, brush her teeth, wash her hands, play with the “big girl” toys. She answers "yeah" or "no" to questions with absolute conviction. She asks for her snack, crawls up the stairs to get it, and opens the pantry door with a request for “cracker” or “puff puff” or occasionally goes to the buffet to hand me a piece of fruit. Though I think she was born to have a certain personality, a confidence about her, she has also been formed by the necessity of not having everything done for her instantly. Being a second child can be a challenge, but it can also be a gift. She has learned to use her voice and to figure things out by watching others. She has learned to share and work out deals with another child, to know that the world doesn’t revolve only around her, but that she is so important to our family, and she is absolutely one of the most important parts of our world. I give thanks that Lily is exactly who she is…who she was born to be, who she is because she was the second child born to our family, who she is still becoming in the moments when she watches me, observes her sister, gets swung around by her adoring daddy, makes her own choices and decisions no matter what the rest of us like to do. I am so happy that I get a chance to just be with her sometimes, to interact with her in a way that is only possible one-on-one, to give her undivided attention. Then, I am absolutely thrilled when our family of four can be together again, to learn from each other, love on each other, and play together. For in my eyes, there is nothing like a mommy, daddy, and two little girls having a family dance party, giggling all at the same time, sharing the joy of family togetherness. I like to think that Lily has the best of both worlds…a noisy house full of love and quiet moments filled with mommy time, and I think the world of the blessing that is for both of us.

Lesson Learned

A few weeks ago, Emma shared with Grandma that her preschool teacher mispronounces her last name. Emma’s preschool teacher is fabulous, and I certainly don’t hold it against her. Our last name is easy to mispronounce, and it has happened often to my husband and me. Emma said she didn’t want to tell her teacher that she was mispronouncing it, so I planned to bring it up casually sometime in the future. However, I have long been a people pleaser, for good and for bad, and I just didn’t have the heart to bring it up. It never seemed the perfect moment or the ideal time. Well, today I had the privilege of volunteering in Emma’s preschool classroom. I loved observing her in her school environment and was thrilled to see for myself what I already believed: that the kids are well loved, wisely educated, and thoroughly engaged. Emma seemed happy to be at school and sweetly concerned with doing as she was asked. This was great and what I want for her—to be respectful, follow the rules, and make the educational environment conducive to learning for others as well as herself. At the end of the morning, as we were walking away from the school, I told Emma that I saw the teacher asking other kids what their first and last names were. Then, I asked her what she had said when it was her turn. She answered, “Emma.” Next, I asked her what else she said. Growing uncomfortable, she said, “Just Emma, Mommy.” Emma happens to be a kid who is very verbal. She has known how to say her last name since she was 15 months old, and she could spell it at 22 months. So I said, “But you know your last name. What did you tell her?” She looked as though she would like to melt into the sidewalk, and I tried to encourage her with my most understanding mommy gaze. Then, she said our last name in the same way that her teacher has been mispronouncing it. It turns out that she wanted to save face for her teacher more than she wanted her name pronounced correctly. In that moment, I realized that my people pleasing propensity either got passed along in a gene or has been learned over the past three and a half years...more likely the latter. Right then and there, we turned around, walked back to the school, and I confessed to the teacher. She, of course, was gracious and kind. Emma (thankfully) didn’t melt into the sidewalk from embarrassment, and I received an important reminder that watching out for my kids might mean that I have to step out of my comfort zone so that they will be willing and confident to do the same. I am so grateful that Emma is respectful to others. She is kind and sweet and thoughtful and surprisingly tactful for a preschooler. Now I just need to balance that with teaching her to also respect her own needs, to be courageous and willing to speak up if it matters. Maybe the pronunciation of her name really isn’t such a big deal to her…but I want her to know how to use her voice when she finds something that is. And that is what I learned at preschool today.

Seriously Sweet

With two precious girls, there are some seriously sweet moments…those times when you feel like your cheeks ache from smiling, your heart melts from warmth, and your mind works on overdrive knowing that you want to remember every detail even when you don’t have a pen and paper close at hand. In the past few weeks, both Emma and Lily have given me plenty to remember.   

Emma, at 3 ½-years-old: • Emma is turning into a thoughtful, kind little girl. She asks questions about the world around her on a continual basis. She thinks of her baby sister often and likes to play doll house, grocery store, and Little People with her. She does get tired from our new preschool schedule and sometimes struggles to fulfill her daily chores (putting napkins on the table, clearing her dishes, making her bed, picking up her toys), but she is usually a good helper. She giggles more lately, and we enjoy seeing her learn to smile at more and more of life. • Recently, we had a fun-filled weekend that included a trip out to Grandpa and Grandma’s, time outside on the farm, two different restaurant outings (a favorite activity for Emma), new toys to play with at my aunt and uncle’s, and time with all four of her great-grandparents. After the weekend, as we were riding home, I asked Emma what her favorite part of the whole weekend was. She said, “Seeing Great-Grandma (W.)...her reading and reading to me.” With all of the excitement, her finest hour was spent snuggled up next to my grandma, doing exactly what I did when I was Emma’s age: listening in pure bliss as Grandma read her book after book. I felt so fortunate that my daughter could absorb how special that was, that she could enjoy something that meant so much to me when I was a girl, and that she still has great-grandparents that are able to spend time with her. • We had friends over to play, and Emma was putting together a puzzle with a four-year-old friend. The four-year-old friend, understandably, was getting a bit frustrated with Lily as she repeatedly wanted to get her hands on the puzzle pieces. Emma, the big sis, looked at her friend and patiently said, “She’s just a baby. She doesn’t know.” It was clear that Emma was defending her sister, offering up a compassionate explanation for little Lily’s behavior. I was touched by her grace and kindness. Then I moved Lily away from the puzzle for the third or fourth time. • Emma was playing ice cream shop with Grandpa and Grandma. She looked at each of them and asked, “Would you like a sundae or a Monday?” • A few days ago, Emma had preschool. After we picked her up from school, Grandpa and Grandma took us, Uncle Jason, and some old family friends out for lunch at Emma’s favorite restaurant. As we opened the door to the restaurant, Emma joyfully and incredulously remarked, “Wow! Preschool and The Machine Shed on the same day…what a lucky girl!” • We have heard the beginnings of outside influences in our home. Emma talks often about the friends at preschool. Recently, we’ve heard her say, “The other kids in the class…” and “E got her ears pierced. I would like to get my ears pierced” and “E doesn’t use a stool when she goes potty anymore. I don’t need to use a stool either.” It is interesting (and often makes us grin and only occasionally grimace) to hear all the things other three-year-olds are teaching her every day about life outside of our family’s “normal.” She has grown so much from preschool in confidence, experience, and social skills. She comes home singing all her colors in Spanish, spelling the color red in English, and sharing sweet songs about how God made her wonderful. We are thrilled to see her thrive there. • This summer, when Emma wanted to know someone’s name at the playground, she wasn’t sure how she should handle it. I role played with her what to say, but she was tentative about it. After she started preschool, she told me, “Don’t worry, Mommy. When I don’t know another kid’s name, I just say, ‘Hi, I’m Emma. What’s your name?’” It is exactly what I role played with her and had no idea she remembered from earlier this summer. The first day she brought a class picture home from school, she studiously practiced each child’s name, again and again, until she could easily identify each girl in her class. Next, she requested that I help her learn the boys. Now, she easily talks about the kids in her class by name. • The other night, I told Emma a sad story about how I let go of some balloons when I was a little girl, lost them forever into the air, and felt terribly because they were both mine and Uncle Jason’s balloons. She wanted to hear it again and again. After listening about the tear-filled tale, she said, “But Mommy, you were happy because Uncle Jason was there.” In Emma’s world-view, having the very cool Uncle Jason there should have made everything better. I love that she has extended family that is a consistent and positive part of her life. • Today, Emma came home from preschool with one of her most colorful, detailed coloring pages to date. As I pulled it out of her folder, she said, “That picture is for Daddy, for his birthday in October. Can you hide it away so he doesn’t see it? He can’t see it until October, and when it’s his birthday, I will show it to him.” How wonderful that she’s thinking about how to make her daddy’s birthday special! 

Lily, at 16 ½-months-old: • Lily has such a joyful, exuberant personality, so full of life and smiles and happy screeches and bubbling energy. Recently, people have been watching her in public and commenting about how cute she is and how lucky I am to have such a happy, giggly baby. I agree that we are enormously and richly and deeply blessed to have a child who loves life so fearlessly and vocally and passionately. She feels life and expresses openly, crying for hurt feelings and squealing with zeal for parachute, Daddy, or a hundred other little reasons throughout each day. She is so sweet with me and will just come over, fall on me, and start sucking her thumb if I am sitting on the floor. She loves her Grandma almost more than me and is thrilled to be in her arms when Grandma visits, though she remembers her mama if she’s tired or hurt. • She is lively but gentle, holding a teddy bear and feeding it a bottle with a loving mother’s touch. • Lily is so excited to learn, and she loves to be asked her animal sounds and to tell you that the cow says “moo” and the dog says “woof! woof! woof!” Her favorite book is a lift-the-flap story about animals. • She is really strong. We just got a new toy storage system, and I was asking Emma to put back one of the big bins. She said, “I can’t, Mommy. It’s too heavy.” I picked it up and agreed with her, then suddenly realized that someone had to get it out. I asked Emma, “How did you get it out?” She said, “I didn’t. Peanut did.” She is a little peanut, but she is mighty! • Lily is always looking for ways to become bigger. She wants to walk up the stairs, holding the railing, though she can barely reach. She prefers the booster seat at the table with the rest of the family as opposed to her high chair. If I tell her it’s time to eat, she goes over to the booster seat, pats it, and says, “boo. boo” to let me know her seating preference. • Thursday, she said her name for the first time and pointed at herself as she said it. It was adorable! • She pats me on the chest again and again and says, “Mama. Mama. Mama,” seeming to declare ownership. • She finds her SleepSack on the floor and cuddles it. If it’s on the hard tile floor, she looks like a tripod, putting her head on the SleepSack and her bottom up in the air. • She tries to reach her spare SleepSack on the changing table shelf near her crib. If she can catch the edge when she wakes up from her nap, she grabs it and drags it through the slats of the crib, looking at me triumphantly when I enter the room. I adore that dimpled grin. Life continues to be busy and full of diaper changes that are dirty work, dishes that leave dish-pan hands, drop-off for preschool that is plenty early, and dinners that are more chaotic than serene, but I can’t help but smile…our girls are seriously sweet.

Lonely But Never Alone

Motherhood is one of those jobs you can never envision until you are in it. It is wonderful beyond all expectations, and it is simultaneously more exhausting than you could have imagined. In this blog, I try to record our memories, and for the most part, it is not hard to talk about all of the joy that comes with parenting. However, sometimes I think it’s important to mention the tougher side of mommying so that all of us remember that we’re not alone.

First of all, in mommyhood, days are packed, and yet you actually feel like you accomplish very little. You wake up to crying, wash the same dishes repeatedly, create meals that end up in equal parts nourishing your little ones, providing ample opportunities for sweeping the floor, and allowing enough diaper changes that you should be called the Diaper Genie or bumGenius. You pick up the same toys dozens of times (a day) or spend three times as long encouraging your children to pick up the same toys (and that’s when they’re actually motivated to help.) You reinforce the same rules, manners, and expectations for behavior. Yet sometimes you wonder if you are that tree in the forest that no one has heard. You follow a schedule that revolves around eating, sleeping, and playing, but none of it relates to your own needs for eating, sleeping, or playing. Routine is so important to kids, and you spend much of your day trying to work around this routine, but sometimes the mundane causes you to forget the meaningful. Sure, you are working really hard, accomplishing so much. The tough part is, you might not know exactly what that is for another twenty years.

Trips to stores are adventures at best, calamities at worst. With one kid in the top of the cart and another in the basket, you cover your child(ren) in items and end up discovering squished strawberries, dented boxes, and chewed labels…all before you’ve even paid. You hope that your child(ren) will not draw the eyes of strangers for any other reason than to say they are cute. You do not want to be “that family,” the one who elicits stares of pity or judgment as your one-year-old screams or your three-year-old sobs. You enter stores with a plan, a snack, a list, a stack of coupons, and a dream that this will be a better trip than the last one. Sometimes you are pleasantly surprised, and sometimes you do the walk of shame out to your car. All of the time, you feel like you’ve climbed a mountain with the effort of simply buying items for your family while taking care of its smallest members.

As a mom, you have some lonely days where your most coherent conversation involves answering the same question (or babble) repeatedly. Strangely, though, you’re never alone. You go to the bathroom with company and someone whose sole goal it is to unroll the toilet paper roll. You get dressed amidst questions, opinions, suggestions, and small people trying on your undergarments. You try to sweep with four extra hands on the broom and four little feet walking through your pile of crumbs (or maybe that’s just at our house.) I liken it to life in a big city. You are surrounded at all times, but sometimes you feel so very alone. On the other hand, as much as you absolutely adore your children, you would give just about anything except for an hour of sleep or their health or safety just to be alone for ten minutes…for a shower, a phone conversation with a friend that is actually uninterrupted, a quick nap that will restore your energy and help you play puzzles or pat-a-cake or pretend for another afternoon. The fact is, I love my children so much, and as long as some days are, this is going too fast for me to wish for too much time away from them. Still, there are definitely days when I could use a breather, not so much to be away from them, but just to remember who I am when nobody is looking. To do this job well means to be held accountable at all times, and that’s a tough task for anyone.

All is not lost, though. Amidst the packed days and languishing “to do” lists are the moments and the magic that make this job incredible. When I get “nothing” done, I try to remember that this job will have its rewards for generations to come. When I have a challenging outing, I work to realize that my children sometimes need to cry because they don’t have three decades of practice in expressing their feelings verbally. When I feel like I haven’t had enough adult interaction, I give thanks that my kids want to talk to me, to be around me, to learn from everything I say and do. I sigh both because I am tired (what mom isn’t?) and I am content (what could be better than watching lives mold and unfold?) Though I have hours in this job that are lonely, I would choose this job, choose my children, choose this chance to never be alone. Motherhood is not easy, but it is so incredibly worth it. I thank God for my children and the chance to be this exhausted, overwhelmed, understimulated, and underpaid. For in this job, I am also energized, overcome with joy, inspired, and compensated beyond my wildest dreams.

Toddler Time

There is something about a toddling tot, a wobbly walker, which makes you start seeing that your baby isn’t a baby anymore. That is the case at our house, for Lily has turned in her bare feet for walking shoes, has given up stroller sitting for eager exploration, has tested our home for baby proofness and tested the limits of just how high and far she’s allowed to wander now that she has two capable legs and a mind of her own. Last month, I had a sweet baby girl. This month, it’s toddler time, and I am just trying to keep up. It’s easy to be excited, hard not to be nostalgic, and honestly, extremely exhausting. My days consist of accident management, of trying to minimize bruising while allowing discovery. It’s wonderful to see her learn about the world, but I am very grateful she waited until fifteen months to walk across a room, as I find this stage a challenge. I waiver between hovering and holding her back and letting go and letting her bruise. It’s a tough balancing act. She is fearless, trying to make her way up rock climbing walls at the park, to attempt anything she sees big sister do, and to keep up with kids three times her size. In many ways, this is an incredible age. I get to finally see more of what my child is thinking, where she wants to go of her own accord, how she will react when confronted with new experiences that she can run toward or run away from. On the other hand, I have to discipline more, set boundaries, and teach her how to react in a way that is kind toward herself and others. It is no small task, and it makes me remember when I had a small lump who mostly needed snuggles and unconditional love. Somehow, I forget that those snuggles often occurred at 3:00 a.m. When I think of how exhausting it is to start a new job, learn a sport for the first time, or do something outside of my comfort zone, I am absolutely in awe of what it must be like to be little Lily. Much of her day consists of trying to acquire a new skill, learning how a new procedure works, and working to make sense out of something that forces her to grow. No wonder babies need a lot of sleep, easily cry in frustration, and seem to swing from a smile to a scream in a second. Toddler time is tiring! Although exhausting, it is also exhilarating to watch. Along with being on the move, Lily has so many other fun new skills. She is adorable pretend playing with her big sis. Emma will ask her to “come play grocery store,” and she will quickly go to her assigned seat in our living room, sit in a tiny area between the back of a chair and the wall, and pretend to go to the grocery store. Her vocabulary is rapidly expanding along with her imagination. She will hold a play phone or any object up to her ear and say “hu-llo” in the most adorable accent. When holding a baby, she snuggles and pats it and says, “bah-bee.” She quickly picks up upon cues when people are leaving and says, “buh-bye.” I showed her my ankle this morning, and then she pointed at her own, saying, “ankle.” When we sit down at a meal, she folds her hands and says, “Ah-men” while smiling proudly, seeming to feel that she has declared the meal ready to commence. She points at hair bows and says, “bow,” runs to Daddy with an exuberant “dada!,” and says countless other words, including the one that makes Grandpa very proud and Grandma a bit envious: “Gram-pa.” I love to watch her awareness grow. After we left big sister at preschool on the second day, we got back in the minivan. Lily looked over at her sister’s empty side of the minivan, and I could see her deep in thought. I thought that she was missing her sister and going to say “Emma,” but instead, she said, “backpack.” I laughed as I realized that she was commenting that Emma took the backpack with her. She understands many commands now and helps clean up when I tell her she has to put books and toys back. She is beginning to enjoy books even more, looking at them on her own for longer than she is willing to look at them with me. Her favorites are touch and feel and lift the flap books. She continues to smile a lot, cry if she gets her feelings hurt, recover quickly from injury after declaring “boom! boom!,” and generally burn so many calories in a given day that it seems she will never reach the elusive twenty pounds. As tiring as this age is for both of us, I wouldn’t trade it for any other. It is a gift to watch a human being grow from the time she was too tiny to see inside of me to the time when she is too big to sit still any more. It is toddler time at our house, and I am yawning from exhaustion but never from boredom. In short, life is good.

First Day Fun

We did it! Emma and I made it through her first day (actually hour) of preschool. There were three bouts of tears, all of them mine, though I did not let her see me cry. I was also very proud of her…that, I let her see as much as possible. Our morning started with me explaining to her that there would be lots of moms and dads there this morning, and it might seem loud and busy, but after a few minutes, the parents would go, and it would be just the kids and teachers like it is at church or ballet. She didn’t say much. Then, when she and I were alone in the bathroom before we left, she said, “Mommy, when there are a lot of people when we get there, Lily will cry because she will be scared. I won’t cry, though. I don’t cry anymore because I’m a big girl.” Though we do still have tears regularly, I figured this was her self-talk, so I just listened and wondered what the coming hour would bring. Shortly after this, we loaded into the minivan and drove to pick up Daddy at work. As soon as he got in the minivan, Emma explained to him, “There are going to be lots of people there when we get there, all the mommies and daddies, but in four minutes, they will go, and then it will be calmer.” He looked at me, and we both smiled, thinking maybe she was more prepared for this than we thought.

 

When we got to the school, the first two families we saw were familiar faces, always comforting. We stopped for a quick family picture. Then, as we entered the school, I felt the tears coming for the second time. The first time had been before the girls got up. I quickly looked away and got them under control. Then, we headed down the hall to the preschool lockers. A friend of mine described it as paparazzi, and it definitely had that feel. Cameras, video cameras, and excited but nervous parents abounded. Each three-year-old was standing against the locker bearing his or her name. Emma quickly identified hers by herself, placed her backpack inside, and then backed against her locker as if it had super glue-like properties. I think it was her island of relative tranquility in the chaos. Conant took pictures, I took video, and we both gave her encouraging smiles. Lily wore her “Little Sister” shirt in support. Emma had on a new dress and leggings for the big day and her hair was in the neatest piggy tales I could manage this morning. Emma saw two of her friends there, and she stood next to another little girl with her same name.

 

In the few minutes that the kids waited in the hall for school to start, Emma remained quite somber, taking it all in and sticking close to her locker. I think she was summoning all of her strength to remain brave. Then, her teacher came over and told all of the kids to “fly like butterflies” into the classroom. Emma began flapping her wings, “flying” away from us and into the safe cocoon of her classroom. Her teacher and assistant seem so loving, the classroom so bright and cheery, that I felt like she was landing in very capable hands. Conant, Lily, and I watched her through the doorway. She went and sat in a circle just like the other kids, listening intently to her new teacher. We walked to the van. I told Conant, “I feel like I just left a part of me in that school” as we drove away. After dropping him off at work, I headed back to the school, as they only stayed an hour today. When Lily and I were alone in the car, I began to think about how blessed I am that we have Emma at all, given the complications of my other pregnancies. Then I began crying again, praying that she would be taken care of whether I am around or not. We waited outside of the classroom when it was time for pick up, and Emma was one of the first ones to come out. She proudly showed me her hand. She said, “Look, Mama, I got a s…sss…it’s not a sticker, it’s a staple.” I looked down, and it was a stamp of a smiling sun. She has never seen stamps before, so she was pretty excited. I was just glad no one had stapled her hand. Next, she told me about her friend who had cried because she missed her mommy. I took a picture of her with her friend and then with her teacher, and we prepared to go. On the way out, I had her quickly take me in the classroom. When I asked her what her favorite part of the room was, she said, “the books.” I looked over at the books and noticed that the teaching assistant was putting some handprint paintings away. Emma is not a fan of getting messy, so I wondered how that went. The teachers told me that she did really well, but she was very careful to wash her hands meticulously after the paint. I breathed a sigh of relief. My baby really is growing up.

 

We left school and drove to get a treat to celebrate. Emma chose to get two tiny warm donuts at the farmer’s market, and I picked out a flower for my sweet preschooler. When we got home, she called her Grandma to tell her about her day. It was amazing to hear about her life apart from me, and I was grateful that she is so articulate and willing to share the details. Today was tougher on me than on Emma, but I feel very fortunate that she is in a loving school with a teacher that seems so devoted to the kids. If Emma can dip her hand in paint on the very first day of school, she can do absolutely anything. I can hardly wait to see all that she does, learns, and tells us this school year.

Preschool Ponderings

I have been the teacher standing with excitement, waiting to meet the students who will soon become my passion to support, to encourage, to grow, to educate. I have been absolutely honored as parents trust me with their most precious gifts, their children. What I haven’t been—until now—is the parent, having to let go, to trust another educator with the baby I held when she was 5 lbs., 12 oz., 20 inches long, skinny limbs and flailing arms and wailing voice…the baby that I held through hours of crying, through moments of discovery…the child that I have spent each day with, left my profession for, poured my heart into. When I went to the parent meeting for Emma’s school, all I could think of is how tiny and helpless she was as a newborn, curled up to gain much needed nutrition from me, how innocent and sweet she looks now, curled up with books each night the way some kids snuggle their favorite blanket or stuffed animals. I could only think of how precious she is to me, of the music of her laughter and the sparkle in her eye as she tries to make me laugh. I know she is not perfect, but she is absolutely priceless to me, and it hurts to let go. Still, I know that this is her time to begin to discover who she is when I am not there, how she will shine and struggle when she is one of many instead of my one and only 3 ½-year-old. I am saying prayers for her, hoping that she will be met with kindness and encouragement, that as she is refined by her peers and her teachers, she will stay confident in her significance but open to growth, to new knowledge, to healthy friendships. I know that this is the beginning of a much longer journey in her life, and I hope she feels me beside her, cheering her on even when she can’t hear my voice. If her sensitive heart begins to strengthen, let it be to help her have even happier days without losing her kindness toward others. If her knowledge grows, let her stay humble yet aware of all that is possible for her. If new friendships bloom, let her learn from others without losing what makes her beautifully unique. And as I parent her, let her know that I am always here while I let her go so that she may healthily grow. Let me rediscover the passions that make me no less her mother but more someone who is capable of stepping back when that is what she needs. May we both grow this school year, may the bond that we feel change but stay strong, may we both discover all that she will do when I finally let go of her hand and trust another educator with a gift that I have been given but cannot keep. I love you, my sweet Emma Grace, and I am so proud of you already.

Last Laughs of Summer

Three-and-a-half is turning out to be such a fun(ny) age. Three started out a bit tough, but now that we’ve settled in, there are definitely more smiles from Emma, more laughs from me, and generally more days of fun rather than frustration. I can hardly believe that Emma is starting preschool in two days, but that’s a whole different blog filled with an entirely different set of emotions. For this entry, I just want to reflect on some of the last laughs of summer she generously supplied in the past week. She told Daddy about her feelings for sister: “I love Lily, Daddy. Sometimes I don’t like her very much, but I really love her.” The truth can be pretty funny. Isn’t that how we all feel about those closest to us? The other night, I was trying to get ready for the parent meeting at Emma’s preschool, and Conant was still at work. The girls were playing in Emma’s room, so I nervously told Emma, “Please just leave your door closed so Lily stays in your room and safe from the stairs. I will take a very quick shower and be right back.” I hurried from a short shower back to Emma’s room to check on them. Emma was sitting and reading a story to her sister, but she stopped to give me a full report: “Lily didn’t cry for me at all, Mommy. She was a good listener.” I hadn’t asked her to baby-sit, as I didn’t want to put that kind of responsibility on her, but I guess she had felt the seriousness of the task at hand anyway and was very proud of how well things had gone in the short time I was in the bathroom. I felt so proud as I watched her nurture and care for her little sis, and I had to giggle at her behavior report. Recently, Emma was pretending to have a birthday party complete with cake. Before she could pretend eat, she folded her hands and solemnly said, “Dear God, thank you for this cake. Please make us yummy. Amen.” Actually, I think both Emma and cake are pretty yummy, so it was a perfect prayer, but funny nonetheless. As we were riding two hours and fifteen minutes to see Emma’s great-grandparents, she said, “I have to go potty.” I replied, “Okay, there’s a place to stop in five minutes.” To this, she quickly responded, “But I don’t want to go in a no-touch potty, Mommy.” The van erupted in laughter. I’ve told her to not touch anything in a public restroom stall, to which she always responds, “But can I touch you, Mommy?” Then I say, “Yes, Emma, I am the only thing you can touch.” I guess this is why she has now dubbed restrooms we must use en route “no-touch potties.” She was hoping she could use the emergency little potty in the minivan instead. Sorry if I’ve made you a germaphobe, honey. As we arrived in the town where her great-grandparents live, we met them at a restaurant. After eating lunch there, we buckled the girls back in to make the short trip from the restaurant to the house. As we pulled out of the parking lot, Emma said, “That was yummy pizza, but that was a looooong way to go for a restaurant.” She hadn’t understood that we drove that far to see family, not just to eat at Pizza Hut. I can imagine that she might have been thinking that there is one of those a few minutes from our house. While we visited Grandpa and Grandma this weekend, my dad brought her out to pick up apples on the farm. After they had collected the apples, he handed her two to carry in the house. When they arrived at the house, she handed him back the apples. One of them had two big bites missing…a little taste testing for her hard work, I guess. How I love my precious Emma Grace and the laughter she brings to our lives. She is sunshine and giggles and sweetness and warmth. We are blessed and richer and stretched and more alive because we have been given her as a daughter.

Brunch and Buy

Life with two little ones is wonderful and busy, and for the most part wonderfully busy. Still, there are times that I wish for special time with each of my special girls. Today, I got that wish. Conant is home on vacation, so Emma and I had a much anticipated mommy / daughter date. We have been waiting for a chance to go and buy her preschool supplies, so today’s date was the event of the year: “Brunch and Buy.” It started with a delicious brunch at The Machine Shed, Emma’s favorite restaurant. Usually she shares my meal with me, but today she got to order her own meal. She chose the Future Farmer breakfast (funny, since this week she told me she is going to be a farmer and a doctor when she grows up). She had hash brown casserole, bacon, scrambled eggs, and an English muffin. I had pancakes, and we gladly shared with each other. Pancakes are one of her favorite treats. I was very proud of my adorable date. She had chosen one of her nicest dresses, and she also used her finest manners. The waiter told her that she had the best manners of any kid he had seen all day. I was proud of my soon to be preschooler, and she sat up a little taller after her compliment. I probably did, too, as I knew she was trying to make it a special time for us and the other diners, and I appreciated her efforts. On the way out of the restaurant, she got to sit on the tractor displayed outside. Normally I wouldn’t have tried this alone with both girls, but today I could say “yes” more often than “no.” After brunch, we headed to Target to tackle her preschool list. She enjoyed picking out the supplies even though they will all be turned in to be used by the whole class. As a treat, she got to pick out one special folder to keep at home. She chose Dora and Boots and has been carrying it around off and on since. The highlight of Target for her was getting to walk beside the cart rather than ride in it. For weeks she has been telling me she’s too big to ride in the cart, but I don’t feel like I can handle the two girls and my shopping if they are not safely contained in the cart. Today, Emma walked proudly as the semi-independent, almost three-and-a-half-year-old that she knows she is meant to be, and I could (mostly) concentrate on my shopping. As our "Brunch and Buy" concluded, we both said how much fun we had had, and I promised myself that we would try to schedule another date soon. For our family, having two girls is the most precious gift we could have been given, but for today, I am thankful for the rare present of one-on-one time with my first-born. As she starts a new chapter of her life, I want to be here observing each milestone with her so that she knows that school is something to get really excited about, and she is someone who is very much worth celebrating.

Gratitude Generates Generosity

My girls both look forward to breakfast time from the moment they first wake in the morning. Tuesday, Lily had her Cheerios while she was waiting for her oatmeal to cool off. Emma was going potty and missed the Cheerios portion of breakfast, so after oatmeal, she had her Cheerios. Of course, this did not seem fair to fourteen-month-old Lily. She had long since forgotten that she had already eaten her Cheerios. All she saw was that big sis was getting a treat after oatmeal and she was not. She cried, and I saw Emma’s wheels turning. Pretty soon, Emma began very meticulously analyzing the cereal remaining on her plate. After carefully scrutinizing things, she picked up the most anemic, sad looking, can’t-believe-it-made-it-through-quality-control, skinny little “O” that I’ve ever seen and brought it over to Lily. Still, I was happy that Emma was showing compassion when the three-year-old concept of fairness said she did not need to share. Lily squealed with absolute delight, rejoicing that not only was she now in possession of the coveted snack, but that her very cool big sister had given it to Lily herself. Looking at Lily’s beaming face and listening to her sounds of gratitude, Emma got a thoughtful look on her face, broke into a grin, and said, “Look, Mommy. It made her so happy!” With that, Emma returned to her plate to do some more considered sorting. She seemed to use the same care in choosing as she had the first time, and then I saw her pick up another of the Cheerios to share with little sis. This time, though, it was the most robust, healthy, super jumbo sized “O” that you can imagine, truly the most plentiful one on her plate. I felt a warmth come over me as I saw the selflessness shine in Emma and the gratitude glimmer in Lily’s eyes. Sometimes in motherhood, I learn such lessons from my children. As Emma saw her little sister’s gratitude, the generosity in her heart grew, inspiring a greater kindness than either of us could have anticipated. Often, when we can step away from our own concept of fairness and give even a little to someone who may not “deserve it,” we see the positive impact it has, and we are the ones inspired toward even more altruistic acts of generosity. Though it may be idealistic, having children helps me recall the idealism of my own youth. Generosity has the opportunity to inspire gratitude, gratitude just might generate greater generosity, and that same generosity could give others the gift of a grateful heart. What a wonderful cycle in a family, in a community, in a world. I was given a reminder of this lesson from the two littlest people in my world. And for that, I am very grateful.

The Ups and Downs of Parenting

Last Monday, the girls and I were headed home from an overnight at Grandpa and Grandma’s. We were thirty minutes from home when I heard a terrible sound come from Lily’s car seat. Around the same time that that unmistakable odor reached me at the driver’s seat, big sis Emma asked, “Why is there so much spit up, Mommy?” At that moment, I knew that it wasn’t spit up covering Lily. It was one of many firsts I get to experience with my girls…the first time either of them had thrown up. Of course, there was no where to pull over, and the smell was enough to make me concerned for Lily and the clean up mission ahead while simultaneously wanting to toss my own cookies. It seemed like a very long couple of miles of worrying about Lily before I found our first opportunity to pull over, the state police headquarters. Picture an avalanche of vomit covering the cutest little peanut literally from head to car seat to van seat to van floor to toys to blankets to…You get the picture. Then, picture this. I have stripped the clothes off of my fourteen month old, am using about a dozen baby wipes to try to scrub her down and get her car seat buckles vomit-free enough to put her back in the seat and drive the remaining half an hour home when a kind officer pulls up. He looks from an undressed, rough looking Lily to an in-over-my-head, even rougher looking me and kindly suggests that I take her in to the sink inside. I look at Emma, still calmly in her car seat and look at Lily, almost ready to go back in hers, and explain to him that with two kids, it would be easier to just head home to clean up more thoroughly. He looked perplexed, perhaps never having had a three-year-old and vomit-prone one-year-old in state police headquarters by himself before. He assured me that it was a secure area…that’s not really what I was worried about. I buckled Lily and myself back in, rolled down my windows, hit the air conditioning to get things circulating, and headed toward home. The smell made me almost wish the officer would follow me, pull me over, and escort me back to the previously offered sink, but after twenty-eight minutes of my stomach rolling, poor Lily crying, and Emma just taking it all in, we arrived at home. I pulled the van in, unloaded Emma and our baggage, and prepared for clean up. By this time, Emma was bored with the whole thing and went inside to read. I held Lily as I worked to clean up the wreckage, and as I began to make substantial progress, I heard the dreaded noise again. I can be taught, and this time only a small pool collected on the van floor before I ran to the grass and had her finish adding her nutrients to Daddy’s lawn. After this, she seemed quite happy and sat buckled in her little red car next to the van while I continued clean up. As much as I wanted to wait, the oppressive heat was not going to make that a good choice. I decided that Britax car seats may be wonderful for safety but are missing one critical feature…the self-cleaning option. The instructions for removing a car seat cover made me want to cry for an aerospace engineer. Alas, he was working late, so we made do. The clean up effort continued throughout the night. After the van, I moved on to the toddler, who I think was as relieved as I was to have herself smelling fresh and clean again. Next, I tackled the laundry. Lily had thrown up an impressive amount for an adult. Seriously, it was like three days worth of food, and over half of it was covering her clothing and sleep sacks. She rebounded so quickly, though, I almost thought I had imagined her illness. Had she overeaten? Was she car sick? She was giving her characteristic “num num num” (i.e. “feed me, please) noise within ten minutes of getting sick. I learned the answer 2 ½ days later when Conant returned home from work at 6:45 a.m. with the same illness. Now knowing that it was contagious, I decided to have a talk with Emma. I explained to her that sometimes people’s tummies feel funny, and then they throw up. Lily doesn’t know where to throw up, so she does it all over. If that happens, it’s okay, we just clean it up. However, when you’re really big like Mommy or Daddy, you throw up in the toilet. Emma listened carefully, taking it in, but I was afraid of what might happen if she ended up sick. Even more than dreading a second clean up effort, I thought that it might totally frighten her, as she tends to take things to heart. Still, she seemed to think it was pretty amazing that this thing had happened to Daddy and Lily. Though I was very sick during my pregnancy with Lily, I never let her watch me get sick, so the mini-van experience had been truly eye opening for her. At dinnertime, Emma decided she didn’t want to eat. I went up to the bedroom and told Conant, “I’m worried.” Have I mentioned that Emma loves to eat? He was worried, too. I hurried back downstairs. Emma was standing by her plate, and she decided to take a bite. I could tell by the expression on her face what was about to happen. I calmly walked her to the bathroom. She leaned over the toilet and had her first experience throwing up. As she threw up, I said in an excited voice, “Look at you! You’re throwing up just like Daddy and Lily. You did it in the toilet just like Daddy.” When she finished, there were no tears. She was proud. Two minutes later, she was jumping around, playing and feeling fine. I was flushing the remnants of afternoon snack down our sewer system. It was so easy, I felt almost guilty. Then I remembered Monday and decided maybe it all evened out. Either way, I was so proud of my three-year-old and her excellent technique. The next morning, I woke up as the sick one. It’s tough not to be able to take a sick day when you’re feeling rough and have two active kids to keep up with, but now that I’m feeling better, that’s just a memory. Whether I’m cleaning up the biggest mess or flushing down the proudest throw up moment our family has had, the ups and downs of parenting make certain that there is no such thing as a dull day or a forgotten first.

The Latest and Greatest From My Littlest and Biggest

Lily Rebecca’s Fourteen-Month Milestones: Lily is becoming so aware of everything. We are amazed by all that she comprehends and enjoy watching her discover the world with a sparkle in her eye.

• Last week she woke up before big sis. Before I could stop her, she crawled directly for Emma’s room and started banging on the door. I opened the door a crack to see if it had woken Emma up, and Lily pushed the door open the rest of the way, speeded through, crawled directly over to a very groggy Emma, and climbed into bed with her. Lily was like, “Let’s get this party started. The morning’s a-wasting without you, big sis.” Thankfully, once E was fully awake, she giggled at Lily joining her in bed.
• She gets really excited for mealtime and urgently calls, “Num, num, num, num” when she thinks it’s time to eat. In the morning, she has oatmeal just like us, and she cries when the bowl is empty. While I’m making the oatmeal, I ask Emma and Lily if they want a lot or a little. When I ask Lily, she always says, “A lot” and grins charmingly. Of course, it gets her an extra scoop. At mealtime, she methodically eats for half an hour, staying silent unless she runs out of food. Then, she lets out an ear-piercing alarm to remind us that she needs seconds, thirds, fourths, or tenths.
• Recently, her love for books has grown. She will crawl over to a pile of Emma’s books and find the Elmo book, proudly declaring, “Elmo.” She looks through her own books and will find a picture of a ball, point and say, “ball.” She also finds the Bob the Builder book, points right at Bob, and says, “Bob.” It’s fun to see her get excited by her own growing knowledge!
• She still desperately adores shoes. She tries to get to our laundry room when the door is open and sort through the family’s shoe supply. This morning, I got out some shoes that she will wear this fall, and she was thrilled. Emma tried to check them out and Lily grabbed them back from sister and said, “No!” I wonder where she learned that concept of ownership from? Lily enjoyed her newfound bargaining power, as she had just been trying to see Emma’s books, and Emma had told her “no.” I was proud of them, as they started switching books for shoes, back and forth. Sometimes I have to remember to stay out of the way and let them figure it out.
• Lily accompanies me to Emma’s ballet and tap lessons, and she calls out sister’s name as she watches her through the two-sided mirror. She really looks up to Emma and is anxious to do puzzles like her, ride the huge Radio Flyer horse like her, and eat what she eats.
• Lily gives the sweetest, juiciest, on-your-cheek kisses. After she has given one, she knows she has done something really special and giggles or beams. I’m sure there might be a sweeter act on Earth, but after she’s kissed me, I can’t think of one. They are magical, innocent, and oh-so-yummy.
• Lily also blows kisses repeatedly to Daddy whenever he has to go back to work. She takes her cue from me. When I kiss him goodbye, she puts her hand to her mouth and starts smooching and sending them his way.
• She stands with great balance, walks well around furniture, crawls quickly, and can climb stairs brilliantly, but she’s only taken a few steps thus far. I know she will walk soon and am in no hurry to see her grow up more quickly.
• Lily is so brave, not minding water in her face at Magic Waters, wishing to reach the sky as she swings.
• She turned into a great sleeper after I weaned her a month ago. She sleeps for eleven or twelve hours straight at night and naps for about two hours in the afternoon. It is heavenly, and one of these days, I’ll actually feel caught up on sleep.
• Lily had her first overnight away from me on Sunday, which was quite an accomplishment, as she’s never been away from me for more than a few hours. Conant and I stayed at a hotel near my parents’ for our anniversary, and the girls stayed with Grandpa and Grandma while Uncle Jason and Aunt Amanda were there, too. Lily did wonderfully well. When we returned, she smiled and said, “Mama, mama, mama,” but she did not cry or seem to mind that we’d been gone. She stuck close to me after that, but she had such fun with four grown-ups paying constant attention to her.
• Her favorite game is to make the “Ppppp” sound with her lips and have all of us join in…it never seems to get old to her, and Emma finds it pretty funny, too. The trick is convincing Lily not to do it when her mouth is full of her tenth course of dinner. We’re still working on that one.
• She has such a spectacular personality, smiling often, giggling whenever the rest of us are, and being playful and sweet. I love loving her. 

Emma Grace’s Three-Year-Old Magical Moments: Emma has been such fun lately, too. She makes us laugh, tugs at our hearts, and becomes more capable by the day.

• She has started ballet and tap, and she is so proud to wear her ballet outfit and learn new things. After class this week, the teachers heard her talking a mile a minute to me, and they were shocked, saying, “She talks!” One small part of the conversation went something like this: “E (a friend of hers) wasn’t wearing a ballet outfit. She was wearing a very fancy dress. It was green. Green is her favorite color, but she likes all the colors.” Emma wants to be well-behaved in class and equates that with silence, so they had no idea how much she communicates at home. I remember as a teacher hearing about the home versus school personality. It’s fun to see it in my own child.
• Lately, she has been taking herself to the bathroom and taking care of things. It feels good to let go of my helping role in that area. Yesterday, she decided she didn’t need the ring. Everything is about her being a big girl right now, and I am excited to find out all that she can accomplish.
• We did our first chart this past week, and she earned thirty smiley faces for jobs that went above and beyond her usual responsibilities. She used her smiley faces to buy a toy she really wanted and plays with it constantly. It really is true that you appreciate the things you work hard to earn. Even better, the new jobs that she added have become habits, and she’s still doing them even after the reward has been earned and the chart completed. It’s great to have her cleaning, making her bed, putting away laundry, clearing the table, and generally contributing. I’m proud of her.
• She has started to count by tens to one hundred and is having more fun with numbers, though she still seems to favor letters and likes to say which letter a word starts with when she hears it.
• She gets really excited when Lily accomplishes something new, exclaiming, “She’s standing!” or “Look at her, Mommy, she’s a big girl!” When Lily first took a step and we were making a big deal about it, Emma started running around, saying, “Look at me. I walk really fast!” Still, she celebrated with us and has been sweeter about sharing both the spotlight and toys with her sister lately.
• Last week, Emma earned a free pizza certificate at the library for her summer reading log. She was very excited to “buy” pizza for the entire family, and it was pretty fun to have our daughter buy us dinner.
• She continues to articulate her thoughts and feelings well. In one of my not proud mom moments, I forgot that her dance class was on vacation for the week and arranged to meet a friend there. As we were driving away from the locked studio to go to the park instead of the class, she calmly told me, “Mommy, I’m really, really disappointed that we can’t go to ballet. I’m very sad about that. I really wanted to go.” I have to say that I felt like the worst mom, but I was also glad that she could tell me what she’s feeling.
• She has learned coping strategies well, and she will say things like, “Can I come again?” when she has to leave favorite places like Grandpa and Grandma’s or Aunt and Uncle’s. When she wants a toy Lily has, she asks, “May I have a turn when you’re done, please?” Lily seems to understand, and she gives the toy to Emma shortly thereafter.
• She can melt us. When Aunt Amanda was leaving recently, she reached over, put her hand on her aunt’s pregnant belly, and sweetly said, “I love your baby, Aunt Amanda.”
• This summer, Emma has been trying new things. She went down the tunnel slide in the kids’ area at Magic Waters. She has done it many times now, but she is still proud and beaming every time she emerges. She has gotten good at blowing bubbles through the bubble wand, and she has learned to use grown-up silverware and drink out of a cup with no lid.
• Her sense of humor continues to emerge, and she loves to make us laugh. The other day, she was reciting her address, and when she got to her state, she said, “Illi-cupcake” and burst into laughter. When we laughed, too, we were treated to her newly modified address several more times.
• Some of her favorite lines right now? “Can you tell me about when I’m not being accommodating?” “What don’t you like, Mommy?” (She likes to ask the opposite, so when I say that I like how she used nice manners, she feels compelled to ask what I didn’t like.) “Can I have a turn when she’s done, please?” “I don’t need help. I’m a big girl.” “Uh oh. We forgot (to have a snack, to play outside, etc.)”
• The newest song that she sings from beginning to end is “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins. It’s incredibly sweet to hear her little voice croon, “When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you…” I feel the same way about both of my girls.

Summer Snapshot

Sometimes I marvel at all that we’re lucky enough to pack into a week. Yet, my girls will never remember the memories we are making long-term because they are so young. So, I decided to do a little summer snapshot of this week so that the girls and I can look back someday and see just what we were up to the summer that they were one and three. 

Sunday: This weekend was our family vacation for the summer. 

Daddy and I took you into the suburbs to stay at a hotel and go to an amusement park especially for little ones. (We got there on Saturday, but as soon as Emma got on her first ride, they came over the intercom and said there had been lightening and they were closing. I think I felt worse about it than either of you!) On Sunday, Emma woke up first. Daddy took her down to eat breakfast. She ate heartily. When Lily woke up and we joined you, Emma ate another breakfast, and Lily consumed more food than any other eighteen pounder on earth. Both of you love to eat, and you’re not choosy, so you enjoy the chance to eat at home or eat out. We’re trying to teach you moderation, but we’re grateful that you will eat a wide variety of foods. After breakfast, we did some quick shopping and headed to the amusement park for another try at the weather. This time, Emma got to ride all of the rides. She absolutely loved the playground there and enjoyed the carousel. She rode the train again and again. 

She did not like the super fast potato-sack slide. Lily watched intently. It will be great when she can join in next year! We had a picnic lunch on a pirate ship, let Emma do a few more rides, and headed toward home. Both of you fell asleep in the car, and it started raining again. We stopped at the outlet mall on the way home to get Daddy some work clothes. It was pouring by this time, and I held the umbrella over you as Daddy pushed the double stroller. I kept telling you, “It’s an adventure!,” and you thought it was fun. By the time we got home, we (the grown ups) were absolutely exhausted! I unpacked, Daddy made dinner, and I started the laundry. You, the kids, were just thrilled to see your long lost toys. Though we were only gone one night, you had renewed interest in all of your treasures at home. 

Monday: When Emma woke up in the morning, she said, “Yesterday, we went on a very special vacation trip. Daddy came with us!” It made all of the hard work of the trip seem well worth it. In the morning, we went to Toddler Time playgroup at a friend’s house, and both of you enjoyed checking out the toys. I loved getting to talk to a couple of other mommies. We stayed home in the afternoon, as we were all still recovering from our overnight. At night, I was very excited to go to my book club by myself. I love you girls very much, but it’s a rare treat for me to go out alone. My book club meets every six weeks, and we read lots of different kinds of books. Reading and spending time with friends are two of my favorite things to do, so book club is a great combination for me. Daddy had to work late, but when he got home, I left. When I got back home, he headed back to work. 

Tuesday: This was a huge day for our family! Lily’s sixth tooth started breaking through. Aunt Amanda came over to see us in the morning. She’s on summer vacation from teaching, so we were excited to see her during the week! My friend also came over and brought her little boy for a playdate. We all had lots of fun. In the afternoon, Emma had her very first ballet and tap class. At first, she cried because I had to watch from outside, but she quickly fell in love with the dancing and did such a great job of listening and following along. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Lily and I were able to watch her from a two-sided mirror, and Lily pointed and said her big sister’s name. I think she wanted to join in, too. After we got home, I got you fed and bathed, and then Miss Rachel came. This is the first time we had ever left you with a baby-sitter, but I know her from my hometown, so that helped me feel a lot better. Emma absolutely loved all of her attention. Lily was too sad that we left and cried for about twenty minutes until she went to sleep. I felt really badly for Lily but was glad that she went to sleep instead of continuing to be sad. It’s tough for me to leave you girls, but I was also very excited for time with Daddy. He’s my best friend, and we like to spend time together. 

 

Wednesday: You were both in for a treat this day, as Grandpa and Grandma came over. You absolutely love when this happens, and it’s nice for me, too. I got lots of work done around the house and ran some errands, and you both had tons of attention and love. After they left, we met some friends at the water park, and you both had fun. Emma went down a tunnel slide and a frog slide, and Lily loved the frog slide, the cascading water, and the water that sprayed up from the ground. I enjoyed watching you two have such a great time. At one point, a lady who was pregnant came up and said she hoped her two daughters would play so sweetly together. I assured her that you are really nice girls, but you don’t always agree and share perfectly. It was fantastic to see you sitting on the floating crab together, though, looking at each other lovingly. 

Thursday: In the morning, we met friends at a park. I loved watching Emma walk hand in hand with a friend and bravely play on the equipment. Sometimes I get nervous that she’ll fall, but I want her to be able to take small risks without me hovering all of the time now that she’s a little older. I helped her with the tougher equipment, and my friend helped, too. Lily really enjoyed the swing and teeter totter. Next, we got back in the minivan and drove to the library. It was a different teacher than we normally have, and she was doing a puppet show. At first Emma liked it, but then the puppet yelled, and Emma cried really hard because she was scared. Lily was also having a rough day because of another tooth on the way, so she wanted to be held, even while I helped Emma go potty in the library bathroom. We signed you both up for a summer reading program since Emma loved it last year. This afternoon, Emma gets to go back to the ballet and tap class. She is very excited! 

Friday: We have friends coming over to play in the morning. Other than that, I probably need to get some work done around the house. 

Saturday: In the morning, Daddy has a service project through work, so we’ll all three miss him. It’s good he’s helping other people, though. In the afternoon, Emma has a friend’s birthday party that we are all going to, and after that, we will go to church. Emma likes her three-year-old room at church, but Lily just started going, and she cries a lot. It’s tough to leave her in the room, but it’s gotten too hard for us to hear the service while wrangling a toddler. For the first thirteen months, we sat out and watched the service on a TV, but now Daddy and I go in and sing and listen with everyone else. My tummy gets uneasy when I think about Lily unhappy in the one-year-old room, so I’m glad she won’t remember this. If she gets too sad, they’ll call us out to come and get her. We used to get called out when Emma was smaller. 

So, that’s our week this week. We stay pretty busy. As your Mommy, I also get to do a lot of laundry, cleaning, toy organizing, diapering, hand washing, feeding, teeth and hair brushing, bathing, dressing, running errands, etc. I’m lucky that I get to read a lot of books to both of you, and sometimes we sit and play games. I do some of the cooking, but Daddy likes to cook and often makes us good things to eat. He also works really hard for our family at his job and at home mowing the lawn, getting groceries, helping with baths, playing with you girls whenever he has a chance, helping me whenever I get too tired, and more. I am thankful to have a teammate like him and sweet girls like you! Sometimes I miss being a teacher, but I am very grateful for all of the moments that I get to teach you. Everywhere we go is a field trip of sorts. I hope you both enjoyed seeing a snapshot of outings and playdates you likely won’t remember. I love seeing each of you experience life through the eyes of a child. Thank you for sharing this and every week with me.