A Few Things I've Learned Along the Way

If my girls choose to have kids and they are fortunate enough to become mothers someday, I don’t want to be the kind of mom that’s always telling them what to do. I appreciate how my own mom gives me space to decide the kind of mom I want to be, and I’d like to pass this favor along to my girls. However, if they do ask for any bits of wisdom, something I’ve learned from my own mom is that it is hard to remember back to when your kids were small by the time they are in their thirties. So, I’ve decided to record a few things I’ve learned lately. Some of them were ideas I had because of problems I needed to solve, and some of them were great tips I learned from others. 1. 90% of the time, little ones put shoes on the wrong feet. You would think it would be a 50 / 50 chance, but it doesn’t seem to be at our house. I tried teaching Emma about holding up her hands to see which one made an “L” for “Left”, but it seemed to be too many steps when we’re trying to get out the door. Then, sandal season hit, and I decided to try something new. With a permanent marker, I put a dot or an X where her big toe should go on each sandal. Now putting on shoes is a breeze for her, and she no longer needs to ask me if she got it right as we’re rushing to get out the door. Even better, I don’t have to ask her to switch her shoes yet again. I dreaded that look of disappointment, and now we just have proud smiles. 2. With a four-year-old, the drive for independence is strong. Sometimes I don’t mind when this means mismatched outfits from her dressing herself, but other times, I want her to coordinate. Rather than this being a point of friction between us, I had her choose her outfit the night before to get approval. Even then, it seemed that we weren’t always on the same page as to what matched what. So together we gathered her clothes, and I asked her if she usually likes to pick her tops or bottoms first when she chooses her outfit. She said tops, so I took a digital picture of each of her tops with all of the bottoms that match it. For some tops, there was only one coordinating bottom. For others, there were many. She had fun with this process, trying to figure out why I chose each bottom. Then, I had the photos printed and put them in a little photo book that she can flip through as she plans her outfits. She is so proud that each outfit is already endorsed by mom so she can choose which one she wants. I have found that giving choices within boundaries keeps both of us happy. She satisfies her need for independence while still realizing that she has to respect her mommy. I think it’s a win-win.

 

3. With a two-year-old, the key also seems to be in giving choices. Even if Lily is in mid-two-year-old tantrum, if I ask her to make a decision, she can often be pulled out of it. She doesn’t want milk? I ask her if she wants it in the pink cup or the green cup. Sometimes, there is nothing that can be done to bring a two-year-old’s passionate cries to an end, but this works at least half of the time. Another thing that often works is asking her to help. If she is extremely reluctant to part with her SleepSack (blankie) to put it in the laundry, if I let her throw it in, she is much more willing. We adults like some sense of control, and so do our kids. 4. And now, for a tip that my own mom taught me. When cutting onions, no matter how many questions your kids ask, do not open your mouth to answer. Before, I always painfully teared up when I cut an onion, but now that I know to keep my mouth closed the entire time (no small feat for a talker like me!), no more tears. Thanks, Mom, for a tip worth passing along to your granddaughters. 5. Hiccup! The next tip is one I heard at my Mom to Mom group at church. If someone has hiccups, simply put water and a metal spoon in a glass glass. Then, have them drink from it while the metal spoon rests in the water. It has worked to rid Emma and me of our hiccups every single time. There is absolutely nothing I claim to be an expert on in parenting, but I figure that these are things that I might forget in a few decades when my own girls could be asking for advice. So here it is…if it happens to help any of my mom friends now, fantastic. I have learned many nuggets of motherly wisdom from my friends, so it’s about time that I returned the favor with a few tips that I can share. This motherhood journey is one of continuous learning, mistakes, improvisation, and hopefully improvement. I am so indebted to my own mom and mom friends. Thanks, ladies, for helping me be a better mom.