Laughter and Love

Laughter: Emma makes us laugh regularly now. Sometimes she is trying to be silly, and sometimes she is really funny without trying at all. Last night, as we were making dinner for some friends, we lit a candle. Emma asked whose birthday it was. This was a logical question, given that she had two friends’ birthday parties this weekend. We told her it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. Then, she said, “I know! It’s the first night of Hanukkah.” Though we used to live in a very diverse area, that was before Emma was born. She has actually never talked to anyone who celebrates Hanukkah, but in the past, we have let her learn about other holidays through a Sesame Street video. Obviously she’s just been watching for signs that we’re beginning the Hanukkah celebration. Along those same lines, she likes to get really close to Lily, especially when we’re not in the room, and quietly ask her, “How do you celebrate Kwanzaa, baby?” I’ve come around the corner more than once to happen upon this sweet scene. 

Love: Emma really knows how to show love. We were eating lunch with Grandma when Emma said that she wanted to take Grandma to a restaurant in town. I told her that Daddy would take her on their upcoming daddy / daughter date. Emma adores Daddy, but she said, “No, I want to take Grandma.” I asked her why. She replied, “Because she’s my best friend.” I think it made Grandma’s week! We have started playing this Mad – Sad – Glad game that I learned about at my church Mom to Mom group. Emma loves it. The first night we played, I asked her and my hubby what had made them glad, sad, and mad that day. After the two of them had gone, the subject somehow got changed. Emma persisted, though, and said, “Excuse me, Mommy. What made you glad today?” She is thoughtful to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, and she wanted to make sure I didn’t get left out. When Daddy has to go on business trips, she eagerly colors him pictures and dictates notes to him. We hide them in his suitcase, and she talks about how Daddy is in “Connecticut.” If Lily is desperate for a doll, even if it’s one Emma really wants to play with, she usually gives Lily a turn with it. If Lily is crying, Emma will sometimes start giggling just to get baby sister feeling better and giggling with her. After Emma went to a classmate’s spa / doll / tea party birthday spectacular this weekend, I asked her what her favorite parts of the party were. She answered “the snack” and “bringing a present to my friend, Lily.” She truly loves to give (and she also loves to eat!) Emma continues to be a tender, thoughtful kid. We are thankful for the smiles she gives us and how she tugs on our heartstrings.

One-On-One Fun With the Youngest One

Though we miss Emma while she is at preschool, she absolutely loves it there. She has told me, “Mommy, I don’t cry at preschool because I am so happy there.” So, it is without guilt that Lily and I very much enjoy our chance for one-on-one time while big sister is having the time of her life. There are definitely mornings when I clean the house, do laundry, run errands, and generally try to catch up when I have one sweet monkey here instead of two, but then there are the other mornings, the ones when it is Lily’s time. We read, we play, and we find out who Lily is without a big sister around. They are sweet friends and great playmates, but it is nice to know what Lily likes to do when there is no one to follow or to negotiate toy rights with, no one to influence her or to answer questions before Lily gets a chance. Though Emma has been a very kind big sister the vast majority of the time, it can be tough always being littler, trying to keep up in a much smaller body. When Lily and I are alone, she doesn’t try to keep up. She just is. And I get to watch that, and I get to smile. I feel like this one-on-one time gives Lily the best of both worlds…a big sister who is a lot of fun to learn from and time alone with Mommy to giggle and grow. I think Lily’s favorite activity is our Music Together class with Teacher Donna. She squeals with delight, claps with the music, walks around, and joins in with some of the words and sounds. She is absolutely joyful while we are there, and she beams much of the time. If you even mention Teacher Donna’s name, she starts singing “Hu-llo,” slapping her hands on her legs like we do in the opening song, and making funny sounds on her lips just like Teacher Donna does. We have fun at home, too. This morning, Lily spent at least fifteen minutes just rocking her favorite baby, which happens to be Emma’s baby. She cuddled her and smiled at her, caring for her with such a warm motherly touch that it kept me from laughing at the fact that the doll is truly almost as big as Lily is. She “fed” me from the play dishes from the play kitchen. We read together as she confidently told me the animal sounds and eagerly listened to her books. She soaked up the mommy time, the cuddles, the sweet stillness of a quiet house. Even when we are alone, though, she is still independent. When her nose got messy, she blew it herself, and when her diaper needed changing, she told me. I marvel sometimes at how young she has been when she has wanted to feed herself, blow her nose, brush her teeth, wash her hands, play with the “big girl” toys. She answers "yeah" or "no" to questions with absolute conviction. She asks for her snack, crawls up the stairs to get it, and opens the pantry door with a request for “cracker” or “puff puff” or occasionally goes to the buffet to hand me a piece of fruit. Though I think she was born to have a certain personality, a confidence about her, she has also been formed by the necessity of not having everything done for her instantly. Being a second child can be a challenge, but it can also be a gift. She has learned to use her voice and to figure things out by watching others. She has learned to share and work out deals with another child, to know that the world doesn’t revolve only around her, but that she is so important to our family, and she is absolutely one of the most important parts of our world. I give thanks that Lily is exactly who she is…who she was born to be, who she is because she was the second child born to our family, who she is still becoming in the moments when she watches me, observes her sister, gets swung around by her adoring daddy, makes her own choices and decisions no matter what the rest of us like to do. I am so happy that I get a chance to just be with her sometimes, to interact with her in a way that is only possible one-on-one, to give her undivided attention. Then, I am absolutely thrilled when our family of four can be together again, to learn from each other, love on each other, and play together. For in my eyes, there is nothing like a mommy, daddy, and two little girls having a family dance party, giggling all at the same time, sharing the joy of family togetherness. I like to think that Lily has the best of both worlds…a noisy house full of love and quiet moments filled with mommy time, and I think the world of the blessing that is for both of us.

Lesson Learned

A few weeks ago, Emma shared with Grandma that her preschool teacher mispronounces her last name. Emma’s preschool teacher is fabulous, and I certainly don’t hold it against her. Our last name is easy to mispronounce, and it has happened often to my husband and me. Emma said she didn’t want to tell her teacher that she was mispronouncing it, so I planned to bring it up casually sometime in the future. However, I have long been a people pleaser, for good and for bad, and I just didn’t have the heart to bring it up. It never seemed the perfect moment or the ideal time. Well, today I had the privilege of volunteering in Emma’s preschool classroom. I loved observing her in her school environment and was thrilled to see for myself what I already believed: that the kids are well loved, wisely educated, and thoroughly engaged. Emma seemed happy to be at school and sweetly concerned with doing as she was asked. This was great and what I want for her—to be respectful, follow the rules, and make the educational environment conducive to learning for others as well as herself. At the end of the morning, as we were walking away from the school, I told Emma that I saw the teacher asking other kids what their first and last names were. Then, I asked her what she had said when it was her turn. She answered, “Emma.” Next, I asked her what else she said. Growing uncomfortable, she said, “Just Emma, Mommy.” Emma happens to be a kid who is very verbal. She has known how to say her last name since she was 15 months old, and she could spell it at 22 months. So I said, “But you know your last name. What did you tell her?” She looked as though she would like to melt into the sidewalk, and I tried to encourage her with my most understanding mommy gaze. Then, she said our last name in the same way that her teacher has been mispronouncing it. It turns out that she wanted to save face for her teacher more than she wanted her name pronounced correctly. In that moment, I realized that my people pleasing propensity either got passed along in a gene or has been learned over the past three and a half years...more likely the latter. Right then and there, we turned around, walked back to the school, and I confessed to the teacher. She, of course, was gracious and kind. Emma (thankfully) didn’t melt into the sidewalk from embarrassment, and I received an important reminder that watching out for my kids might mean that I have to step out of my comfort zone so that they will be willing and confident to do the same. I am so grateful that Emma is respectful to others. She is kind and sweet and thoughtful and surprisingly tactful for a preschooler. Now I just need to balance that with teaching her to also respect her own needs, to be courageous and willing to speak up if it matters. Maybe the pronunciation of her name really isn’t such a big deal to her…but I want her to know how to use her voice when she finds something that is. And that is what I learned at preschool today.