Preschool Ponderings

I have been the teacher standing with excitement, waiting to meet the students who will soon become my passion to support, to encourage, to grow, to educate. I have been absolutely honored as parents trust me with their most precious gifts, their children. What I haven’t been—until now—is the parent, having to let go, to trust another educator with the baby I held when she was 5 lbs., 12 oz., 20 inches long, skinny limbs and flailing arms and wailing voice…the baby that I held through hours of crying, through moments of discovery…the child that I have spent each day with, left my profession for, poured my heart into. When I went to the parent meeting for Emma’s school, all I could think of is how tiny and helpless she was as a newborn, curled up to gain much needed nutrition from me, how innocent and sweet she looks now, curled up with books each night the way some kids snuggle their favorite blanket or stuffed animals. I could only think of how precious she is to me, of the music of her laughter and the sparkle in her eye as she tries to make me laugh. I know she is not perfect, but she is absolutely priceless to me, and it hurts to let go. Still, I know that this is her time to begin to discover who she is when I am not there, how she will shine and struggle when she is one of many instead of my one and only 3 ½-year-old. I am saying prayers for her, hoping that she will be met with kindness and encouragement, that as she is refined by her peers and her teachers, she will stay confident in her significance but open to growth, to new knowledge, to healthy friendships. I know that this is the beginning of a much longer journey in her life, and I hope she feels me beside her, cheering her on even when she can’t hear my voice. If her sensitive heart begins to strengthen, let it be to help her have even happier days without losing her kindness toward others. If her knowledge grows, let her stay humble yet aware of all that is possible for her. If new friendships bloom, let her learn from others without losing what makes her beautifully unique. And as I parent her, let her know that I am always here while I let her go so that she may healthily grow. Let me rediscover the passions that make me no less her mother but more someone who is capable of stepping back when that is what she needs. May we both grow this school year, may the bond that we feel change but stay strong, may we both discover all that she will do when I finally let go of her hand and trust another educator with a gift that I have been given but cannot keep. I love you, my sweet Emma Grace, and I am so proud of you already.