Summer Snapshot

Sometimes I marvel at all that we’re lucky enough to pack into a week. Yet, my girls will never remember the memories we are making long-term because they are so young. So, I decided to do a little summer snapshot of this week so that the girls and I can look back someday and see just what we were up to the summer that they were one and three. 

Sunday: This weekend was our family vacation for the summer. 

Daddy and I took you into the suburbs to stay at a hotel and go to an amusement park especially for little ones. (We got there on Saturday, but as soon as Emma got on her first ride, they came over the intercom and said there had been lightening and they were closing. I think I felt worse about it than either of you!) On Sunday, Emma woke up first. Daddy took her down to eat breakfast. She ate heartily. When Lily woke up and we joined you, Emma ate another breakfast, and Lily consumed more food than any other eighteen pounder on earth. Both of you love to eat, and you’re not choosy, so you enjoy the chance to eat at home or eat out. We’re trying to teach you moderation, but we’re grateful that you will eat a wide variety of foods. After breakfast, we did some quick shopping and headed to the amusement park for another try at the weather. This time, Emma got to ride all of the rides. She absolutely loved the playground there and enjoyed the carousel. She rode the train again and again. 

She did not like the super fast potato-sack slide. Lily watched intently. It will be great when she can join in next year! We had a picnic lunch on a pirate ship, let Emma do a few more rides, and headed toward home. Both of you fell asleep in the car, and it started raining again. We stopped at the outlet mall on the way home to get Daddy some work clothes. It was pouring by this time, and I held the umbrella over you as Daddy pushed the double stroller. I kept telling you, “It’s an adventure!,” and you thought it was fun. By the time we got home, we (the grown ups) were absolutely exhausted! I unpacked, Daddy made dinner, and I started the laundry. You, the kids, were just thrilled to see your long lost toys. Though we were only gone one night, you had renewed interest in all of your treasures at home. 

Monday: When Emma woke up in the morning, she said, “Yesterday, we went on a very special vacation trip. Daddy came with us!” It made all of the hard work of the trip seem well worth it. In the morning, we went to Toddler Time playgroup at a friend’s house, and both of you enjoyed checking out the toys. I loved getting to talk to a couple of other mommies. We stayed home in the afternoon, as we were all still recovering from our overnight. At night, I was very excited to go to my book club by myself. I love you girls very much, but it’s a rare treat for me to go out alone. My book club meets every six weeks, and we read lots of different kinds of books. Reading and spending time with friends are two of my favorite things to do, so book club is a great combination for me. Daddy had to work late, but when he got home, I left. When I got back home, he headed back to work. 

Tuesday: This was a huge day for our family! Lily’s sixth tooth started breaking through. Aunt Amanda came over to see us in the morning. She’s on summer vacation from teaching, so we were excited to see her during the week! My friend also came over and brought her little boy for a playdate. We all had lots of fun. In the afternoon, Emma had her very first ballet and tap class. At first, she cried because I had to watch from outside, but she quickly fell in love with the dancing and did such a great job of listening and following along. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Lily and I were able to watch her from a two-sided mirror, and Lily pointed and said her big sister’s name. I think she wanted to join in, too. After we got home, I got you fed and bathed, and then Miss Rachel came. This is the first time we had ever left you with a baby-sitter, but I know her from my hometown, so that helped me feel a lot better. Emma absolutely loved all of her attention. Lily was too sad that we left and cried for about twenty minutes until she went to sleep. I felt really badly for Lily but was glad that she went to sleep instead of continuing to be sad. It’s tough for me to leave you girls, but I was also very excited for time with Daddy. He’s my best friend, and we like to spend time together. 

 

Wednesday: You were both in for a treat this day, as Grandpa and Grandma came over. You absolutely love when this happens, and it’s nice for me, too. I got lots of work done around the house and ran some errands, and you both had tons of attention and love. After they left, we met some friends at the water park, and you both had fun. Emma went down a tunnel slide and a frog slide, and Lily loved the frog slide, the cascading water, and the water that sprayed up from the ground. I enjoyed watching you two have such a great time. At one point, a lady who was pregnant came up and said she hoped her two daughters would play so sweetly together. I assured her that you are really nice girls, but you don’t always agree and share perfectly. It was fantastic to see you sitting on the floating crab together, though, looking at each other lovingly. 

Thursday: In the morning, we met friends at a park. I loved watching Emma walk hand in hand with a friend and bravely play on the equipment. Sometimes I get nervous that she’ll fall, but I want her to be able to take small risks without me hovering all of the time now that she’s a little older. I helped her with the tougher equipment, and my friend helped, too. Lily really enjoyed the swing and teeter totter. Next, we got back in the minivan and drove to the library. It was a different teacher than we normally have, and she was doing a puppet show. At first Emma liked it, but then the puppet yelled, and Emma cried really hard because she was scared. Lily was also having a rough day because of another tooth on the way, so she wanted to be held, even while I helped Emma go potty in the library bathroom. We signed you both up for a summer reading program since Emma loved it last year. This afternoon, Emma gets to go back to the ballet and tap class. She is very excited! 

Friday: We have friends coming over to play in the morning. Other than that, I probably need to get some work done around the house. 

Saturday: In the morning, Daddy has a service project through work, so we’ll all three miss him. It’s good he’s helping other people, though. In the afternoon, Emma has a friend’s birthday party that we are all going to, and after that, we will go to church. Emma likes her three-year-old room at church, but Lily just started going, and she cries a lot. It’s tough to leave her in the room, but it’s gotten too hard for us to hear the service while wrangling a toddler. For the first thirteen months, we sat out and watched the service on a TV, but now Daddy and I go in and sing and listen with everyone else. My tummy gets uneasy when I think about Lily unhappy in the one-year-old room, so I’m glad she won’t remember this. If she gets too sad, they’ll call us out to come and get her. We used to get called out when Emma was smaller. 

So, that’s our week this week. We stay pretty busy. As your Mommy, I also get to do a lot of laundry, cleaning, toy organizing, diapering, hand washing, feeding, teeth and hair brushing, bathing, dressing, running errands, etc. I’m lucky that I get to read a lot of books to both of you, and sometimes we sit and play games. I do some of the cooking, but Daddy likes to cook and often makes us good things to eat. He also works really hard for our family at his job and at home mowing the lawn, getting groceries, helping with baths, playing with you girls whenever he has a chance, helping me whenever I get too tired, and more. I am thankful to have a teammate like him and sweet girls like you! Sometimes I miss being a teacher, but I am very grateful for all of the moments that I get to teach you. Everywhere we go is a field trip of sorts. I hope you both enjoyed seeing a snapshot of outings and playdates you likely won’t remember. I love seeing each of you experience life through the eyes of a child. Thank you for sharing this and every week with me.

Mom Mistakes

I just committed so many mom mistakes that you’d think I was a total rookie at this mom thing. I definitely have a long way to go, but I also should have known better. It started last night when I set myself up for failure by telling another mom that we’ve been going through a really good phase. The best way to end a streak of success is to acknowledge it, so I really brought all of this on myself. The mistakes continued this morning when I optimistically left the house, one- and three-year-old in tow, to go swimsuit shopping for myself. My need for a swimsuit has reached critical importance. After wearing the same tankini for seven-and-a-half years, it has had the audacity to begin wearing through on both the top and bottom, creating rather large areas that should be covered and aren’t. Therefore, I could put off the dreaded task no more. My hubby has even sent me alone, but I have come back unsuccessful, desperately trying to find a suit that’s appropriate for chasing around my little ones but not appropriate for my grandma. So, this morning I thought, “Emma will think it’s exciting to pick something out for Mommy. We so rarely shop for anything for me. She will have fun watching Mommy try suits on in front of a huge mirror. Lily’s a pretty content baby. All will be well.” Pride cometh before the fall, and a truly experienced mom knows never to get too comfortable or too confident. My next error in judgment was running into a store trying to travel lightly and quickly (as lightly and quickly as you can travel with a double stroller), and therefore leaving the diaper bag with critical snacks in the minivan. Therefore, I found myself in the dressing room with a three-year-old who had absolutely no interest in seeing Mommy play dress up after the first couple of suits and a one-year-old who was hungry, tired, and making a noise that anyone but her mother (okay, even me) would have referred to as, “The most annoying sound in the world, easily surpassing fingernails on the chalkboard.” She continued to be adorable, but that didn’t help our cause, as no one could see how cute she was as she emitted an ear piercing noise from inside the dressing room. Fellow shoppers, my own children, retail staff, may I apologize on behalf of myself. My offspring know not what they do. I truly brought this on all of us. And after all of this, including a three-year-old who continually “accidentally” knocked the swimsuits off of the stroller and therefore into a big, tangled mess, I felt that I had to leave the store buying something. I’m not even sure I like what I got. So, at the register, I asked the kind lady, “Is this returnable? We ran out of patience. (And the kids weren’t too happy, either.)” Upon reaching the car, we had a very silent ride home. L fell asleep within ten seconds of take off, and I think Emma was going for self-preservation when she saw Mommy’s very frazzled face. What have I learned from this series of unfortunate events? Never, ever machine wash your swimsuit. If I had only hand washed it, I could have put this whole event off until someday when my girls are old enough that I will be begging them to find swimsuits that look just a little bit more like something their grandma would wear.

Expect the Unexpected

From the time I first learned that I was expecting, I have had to learn to expect the unexpected in parenting. Even my own emotional reactions often surprise me. Thursday night, I breastfed Lily for the very last time. After thirteen months of close bonding, in part through regular feedings (she refused a bottle from early on), I prepared to go through several tissues that night. After all, I cried the night that I fed Emma for the last time. Lily is the baby of the family, so I thought that there would be even more tears, more nostalgia. I had warm feelings about feeding my sweet Lily, being able to hold her close and help her grow throughout her first year of life. I took video of her just before her final feeding, had Conant take some photos of her eating for our private files. I mentally prepared for the emotional fallout. I did let her eat as long as she wanted, even when she repeatedly fell asleep. I did give her extra kisses, stroke her hair lovingly, think back to how tiny she was the first time I fed her. I held her close, prayed for her, thought of how much I love her. Then, when it was over, I had a startling realization. My cheeks were Sahara desert dry, my eyes not even close to shedding a single drop. I did feel a strong tug on my heart for Lily and the sadness she might feel when she realized that life as she knew it was different, but I also felt relief. Between pregnancies and breastfeeding, my body has nourished my children for forty-six months. That’s forty-six months of being extremely conscious of what I put in my body, forty-six months of being hypersensitive that the things I do could somehow harm my children, forty-six months of analyzing foods, beverages, cleaners I use, medicines I take. Admittedly, I am my own worst critic and have probably been vigilant even beyond what is necessary, but I have worried nonetheless. And though I am beyond grateful to have had the chance to carry my children, to feed them, to care for them in any way possible, on that night, I felt relief. I felt relief for seemingly silly things like the chance to eat chocolate cake and not worry about the caffeine. I felt joy at the thought that I can go run errands or meet a friend for dinner and not have to rush back for a feeding. I felt contentment that I had made it to thirteen months with both girls, persevering through thrush for months on end, plugged ducts, mastitis that was worse than any flu I’ve experienced, hourly nighttime feedings in the early months, calls and visits to lactation consultants, a concerned hubby who repeatedly told me that he would have quit and I could, too. And, being a mother, I felt a bit of guilt for this joy, this relief. However, the guilt faded when Lily finally slept twelve and eleven hours straight the following two nights. It seems that, as life as she knew it changed, she decided that we didn’t need our middle of the night appointments. Even better, her affection for me has not dwindled at all even though the dairy is closed. As I write this post, I am enjoying my first glass of wine in a very long time, and I am enjoying it guilt free. I will always cherish the opportunity that I had to nourish my babies. If I had to do it all again, I would beg for the chance to be pregnant and breastfeed. But knowing that it is now a part of my mothering history makes me appreciate it in a new way, not wishing for it to continue, just being grateful that it was.