Gratitude Generates Generosity

My girls both look forward to breakfast time from the moment they first wake in the morning. Tuesday, Lily had her Cheerios while she was waiting for her oatmeal to cool off. Emma was going potty and missed the Cheerios portion of breakfast, so after oatmeal, she had her Cheerios. Of course, this did not seem fair to fourteen-month-old Lily. She had long since forgotten that she had already eaten her Cheerios. All she saw was that big sis was getting a treat after oatmeal and she was not. She cried, and I saw Emma’s wheels turning. Pretty soon, Emma began very meticulously analyzing the cereal remaining on her plate. After carefully scrutinizing things, she picked up the most anemic, sad looking, can’t-believe-it-made-it-through-quality-control, skinny little “O” that I’ve ever seen and brought it over to Lily. Still, I was happy that Emma was showing compassion when the three-year-old concept of fairness said she did not need to share. Lily squealed with absolute delight, rejoicing that not only was she now in possession of the coveted snack, but that her very cool big sister had given it to Lily herself. Looking at Lily’s beaming face and listening to her sounds of gratitude, Emma got a thoughtful look on her face, broke into a grin, and said, “Look, Mommy. It made her so happy!” With that, Emma returned to her plate to do some more considered sorting. She seemed to use the same care in choosing as she had the first time, and then I saw her pick up another of the Cheerios to share with little sis. This time, though, it was the most robust, healthy, super jumbo sized “O” that you can imagine, truly the most plentiful one on her plate. I felt a warmth come over me as I saw the selflessness shine in Emma and the gratitude glimmer in Lily’s eyes. Sometimes in motherhood, I learn such lessons from my children. As Emma saw her little sister’s gratitude, the generosity in her heart grew, inspiring a greater kindness than either of us could have anticipated. Often, when we can step away from our own concept of fairness and give even a little to someone who may not “deserve it,” we see the positive impact it has, and we are the ones inspired toward even more altruistic acts of generosity. Though it may be idealistic, having children helps me recall the idealism of my own youth. Generosity has the opportunity to inspire gratitude, gratitude just might generate greater generosity, and that same generosity could give others the gift of a grateful heart. What a wonderful cycle in a family, in a community, in a world. I was given a reminder of this lesson from the two littlest people in my world. And for that, I am very grateful.

The Ups and Downs of Parenting

Last Monday, the girls and I were headed home from an overnight at Grandpa and Grandma’s. We were thirty minutes from home when I heard a terrible sound come from Lily’s car seat. Around the same time that that unmistakable odor reached me at the driver’s seat, big sis Emma asked, “Why is there so much spit up, Mommy?” At that moment, I knew that it wasn’t spit up covering Lily. It was one of many firsts I get to experience with my girls…the first time either of them had thrown up. Of course, there was no where to pull over, and the smell was enough to make me concerned for Lily and the clean up mission ahead while simultaneously wanting to toss my own cookies. It seemed like a very long couple of miles of worrying about Lily before I found our first opportunity to pull over, the state police headquarters. Picture an avalanche of vomit covering the cutest little peanut literally from head to car seat to van seat to van floor to toys to blankets to…You get the picture. Then, picture this. I have stripped the clothes off of my fourteen month old, am using about a dozen baby wipes to try to scrub her down and get her car seat buckles vomit-free enough to put her back in the seat and drive the remaining half an hour home when a kind officer pulls up. He looks from an undressed, rough looking Lily to an in-over-my-head, even rougher looking me and kindly suggests that I take her in to the sink inside. I look at Emma, still calmly in her car seat and look at Lily, almost ready to go back in hers, and explain to him that with two kids, it would be easier to just head home to clean up more thoroughly. He looked perplexed, perhaps never having had a three-year-old and vomit-prone one-year-old in state police headquarters by himself before. He assured me that it was a secure area…that’s not really what I was worried about. I buckled Lily and myself back in, rolled down my windows, hit the air conditioning to get things circulating, and headed toward home. The smell made me almost wish the officer would follow me, pull me over, and escort me back to the previously offered sink, but after twenty-eight minutes of my stomach rolling, poor Lily crying, and Emma just taking it all in, we arrived at home. I pulled the van in, unloaded Emma and our baggage, and prepared for clean up. By this time, Emma was bored with the whole thing and went inside to read. I held Lily as I worked to clean up the wreckage, and as I began to make substantial progress, I heard the dreaded noise again. I can be taught, and this time only a small pool collected on the van floor before I ran to the grass and had her finish adding her nutrients to Daddy’s lawn. After this, she seemed quite happy and sat buckled in her little red car next to the van while I continued clean up. As much as I wanted to wait, the oppressive heat was not going to make that a good choice. I decided that Britax car seats may be wonderful for safety but are missing one critical feature…the self-cleaning option. The instructions for removing a car seat cover made me want to cry for an aerospace engineer. Alas, he was working late, so we made do. The clean up effort continued throughout the night. After the van, I moved on to the toddler, who I think was as relieved as I was to have herself smelling fresh and clean again. Next, I tackled the laundry. Lily had thrown up an impressive amount for an adult. Seriously, it was like three days worth of food, and over half of it was covering her clothing and sleep sacks. She rebounded so quickly, though, I almost thought I had imagined her illness. Had she overeaten? Was she car sick? She was giving her characteristic “num num num” (i.e. “feed me, please) noise within ten minutes of getting sick. I learned the answer 2 ½ days later when Conant returned home from work at 6:45 a.m. with the same illness. Now knowing that it was contagious, I decided to have a talk with Emma. I explained to her that sometimes people’s tummies feel funny, and then they throw up. Lily doesn’t know where to throw up, so she does it all over. If that happens, it’s okay, we just clean it up. However, when you’re really big like Mommy or Daddy, you throw up in the toilet. Emma listened carefully, taking it in, but I was afraid of what might happen if she ended up sick. Even more than dreading a second clean up effort, I thought that it might totally frighten her, as she tends to take things to heart. Still, she seemed to think it was pretty amazing that this thing had happened to Daddy and Lily. Though I was very sick during my pregnancy with Lily, I never let her watch me get sick, so the mini-van experience had been truly eye opening for her. At dinnertime, Emma decided she didn’t want to eat. I went up to the bedroom and told Conant, “I’m worried.” Have I mentioned that Emma loves to eat? He was worried, too. I hurried back downstairs. Emma was standing by her plate, and she decided to take a bite. I could tell by the expression on her face what was about to happen. I calmly walked her to the bathroom. She leaned over the toilet and had her first experience throwing up. As she threw up, I said in an excited voice, “Look at you! You’re throwing up just like Daddy and Lily. You did it in the toilet just like Daddy.” When she finished, there were no tears. She was proud. Two minutes later, she was jumping around, playing and feeling fine. I was flushing the remnants of afternoon snack down our sewer system. It was so easy, I felt almost guilty. Then I remembered Monday and decided maybe it all evened out. Either way, I was so proud of my three-year-old and her excellent technique. The next morning, I woke up as the sick one. It’s tough not to be able to take a sick day when you’re feeling rough and have two active kids to keep up with, but now that I’m feeling better, that’s just a memory. Whether I’m cleaning up the biggest mess or flushing down the proudest throw up moment our family has had, the ups and downs of parenting make certain that there is no such thing as a dull day or a forgotten first.

The Latest and Greatest From My Littlest and Biggest

Lily Rebecca’s Fourteen-Month Milestones: Lily is becoming so aware of everything. We are amazed by all that she comprehends and enjoy watching her discover the world with a sparkle in her eye.

• Last week she woke up before big sis. Before I could stop her, she crawled directly for Emma’s room and started banging on the door. I opened the door a crack to see if it had woken Emma up, and Lily pushed the door open the rest of the way, speeded through, crawled directly over to a very groggy Emma, and climbed into bed with her. Lily was like, “Let’s get this party started. The morning’s a-wasting without you, big sis.” Thankfully, once E was fully awake, she giggled at Lily joining her in bed.
• She gets really excited for mealtime and urgently calls, “Num, num, num, num” when she thinks it’s time to eat. In the morning, she has oatmeal just like us, and she cries when the bowl is empty. While I’m making the oatmeal, I ask Emma and Lily if they want a lot or a little. When I ask Lily, she always says, “A lot” and grins charmingly. Of course, it gets her an extra scoop. At mealtime, she methodically eats for half an hour, staying silent unless she runs out of food. Then, she lets out an ear-piercing alarm to remind us that she needs seconds, thirds, fourths, or tenths.
• Recently, her love for books has grown. She will crawl over to a pile of Emma’s books and find the Elmo book, proudly declaring, “Elmo.” She looks through her own books and will find a picture of a ball, point and say, “ball.” She also finds the Bob the Builder book, points right at Bob, and says, “Bob.” It’s fun to see her get excited by her own growing knowledge!
• She still desperately adores shoes. She tries to get to our laundry room when the door is open and sort through the family’s shoe supply. This morning, I got out some shoes that she will wear this fall, and she was thrilled. Emma tried to check them out and Lily grabbed them back from sister and said, “No!” I wonder where she learned that concept of ownership from? Lily enjoyed her newfound bargaining power, as she had just been trying to see Emma’s books, and Emma had told her “no.” I was proud of them, as they started switching books for shoes, back and forth. Sometimes I have to remember to stay out of the way and let them figure it out.
• Lily accompanies me to Emma’s ballet and tap lessons, and she calls out sister’s name as she watches her through the two-sided mirror. She really looks up to Emma and is anxious to do puzzles like her, ride the huge Radio Flyer horse like her, and eat what she eats.
• Lily gives the sweetest, juiciest, on-your-cheek kisses. After she has given one, she knows she has done something really special and giggles or beams. I’m sure there might be a sweeter act on Earth, but after she’s kissed me, I can’t think of one. They are magical, innocent, and oh-so-yummy.
• Lily also blows kisses repeatedly to Daddy whenever he has to go back to work. She takes her cue from me. When I kiss him goodbye, she puts her hand to her mouth and starts smooching and sending them his way.
• She stands with great balance, walks well around furniture, crawls quickly, and can climb stairs brilliantly, but she’s only taken a few steps thus far. I know she will walk soon and am in no hurry to see her grow up more quickly.
• Lily is so brave, not minding water in her face at Magic Waters, wishing to reach the sky as she swings.
• She turned into a great sleeper after I weaned her a month ago. She sleeps for eleven or twelve hours straight at night and naps for about two hours in the afternoon. It is heavenly, and one of these days, I’ll actually feel caught up on sleep.
• Lily had her first overnight away from me on Sunday, which was quite an accomplishment, as she’s never been away from me for more than a few hours. Conant and I stayed at a hotel near my parents’ for our anniversary, and the girls stayed with Grandpa and Grandma while Uncle Jason and Aunt Amanda were there, too. Lily did wonderfully well. When we returned, she smiled and said, “Mama, mama, mama,” but she did not cry or seem to mind that we’d been gone. She stuck close to me after that, but she had such fun with four grown-ups paying constant attention to her.
• Her favorite game is to make the “Ppppp” sound with her lips and have all of us join in…it never seems to get old to her, and Emma finds it pretty funny, too. The trick is convincing Lily not to do it when her mouth is full of her tenth course of dinner. We’re still working on that one.
• She has such a spectacular personality, smiling often, giggling whenever the rest of us are, and being playful and sweet. I love loving her. 

Emma Grace’s Three-Year-Old Magical Moments: Emma has been such fun lately, too. She makes us laugh, tugs at our hearts, and becomes more capable by the day.

• She has started ballet and tap, and she is so proud to wear her ballet outfit and learn new things. After class this week, the teachers heard her talking a mile a minute to me, and they were shocked, saying, “She talks!” One small part of the conversation went something like this: “E (a friend of hers) wasn’t wearing a ballet outfit. She was wearing a very fancy dress. It was green. Green is her favorite color, but she likes all the colors.” Emma wants to be well-behaved in class and equates that with silence, so they had no idea how much she communicates at home. I remember as a teacher hearing about the home versus school personality. It’s fun to see it in my own child.
• Lately, she has been taking herself to the bathroom and taking care of things. It feels good to let go of my helping role in that area. Yesterday, she decided she didn’t need the ring. Everything is about her being a big girl right now, and I am excited to find out all that she can accomplish.
• We did our first chart this past week, and she earned thirty smiley faces for jobs that went above and beyond her usual responsibilities. She used her smiley faces to buy a toy she really wanted and plays with it constantly. It really is true that you appreciate the things you work hard to earn. Even better, the new jobs that she added have become habits, and she’s still doing them even after the reward has been earned and the chart completed. It’s great to have her cleaning, making her bed, putting away laundry, clearing the table, and generally contributing. I’m proud of her.
• She has started to count by tens to one hundred and is having more fun with numbers, though she still seems to favor letters and likes to say which letter a word starts with when she hears it.
• She gets really excited when Lily accomplishes something new, exclaiming, “She’s standing!” or “Look at her, Mommy, she’s a big girl!” When Lily first took a step and we were making a big deal about it, Emma started running around, saying, “Look at me. I walk really fast!” Still, she celebrated with us and has been sweeter about sharing both the spotlight and toys with her sister lately.
• Last week, Emma earned a free pizza certificate at the library for her summer reading log. She was very excited to “buy” pizza for the entire family, and it was pretty fun to have our daughter buy us dinner.
• She continues to articulate her thoughts and feelings well. In one of my not proud mom moments, I forgot that her dance class was on vacation for the week and arranged to meet a friend there. As we were driving away from the locked studio to go to the park instead of the class, she calmly told me, “Mommy, I’m really, really disappointed that we can’t go to ballet. I’m very sad about that. I really wanted to go.” I have to say that I felt like the worst mom, but I was also glad that she could tell me what she’s feeling.
• She has learned coping strategies well, and she will say things like, “Can I come again?” when she has to leave favorite places like Grandpa and Grandma’s or Aunt and Uncle’s. When she wants a toy Lily has, she asks, “May I have a turn when you’re done, please?” Lily seems to understand, and she gives the toy to Emma shortly thereafter.
• She can melt us. When Aunt Amanda was leaving recently, she reached over, put her hand on her aunt’s pregnant belly, and sweetly said, “I love your baby, Aunt Amanda.”
• This summer, Emma has been trying new things. She went down the tunnel slide in the kids’ area at Magic Waters. She has done it many times now, but she is still proud and beaming every time she emerges. She has gotten good at blowing bubbles through the bubble wand, and she has learned to use grown-up silverware and drink out of a cup with no lid.
• Her sense of humor continues to emerge, and she loves to make us laugh. The other day, she was reciting her address, and when she got to her state, she said, “Illi-cupcake” and burst into laughter. When we laughed, too, we were treated to her newly modified address several more times.
• Some of her favorite lines right now? “Can you tell me about when I’m not being accommodating?” “What don’t you like, Mommy?” (She likes to ask the opposite, so when I say that I like how she used nice manners, she feels compelled to ask what I didn’t like.) “Can I have a turn when she’s done, please?” “I don’t need help. I’m a big girl.” “Uh oh. We forgot (to have a snack, to play outside, etc.)”
• The newest song that she sings from beginning to end is “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins. It’s incredibly sweet to hear her little voice croon, “When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you…” I feel the same way about both of my girls.