Snuggles, Smiles, and Smooches

Lily is at such a fun age. At 20 ½ months old, she still loves to be snuggled before bed like she did as a baby, but she gives us the sweetest big girl smiles and the most wonderful cheek smooches, too. When I think back to her at this age someday, I hope I remember how she looks at the camera, gives me the cutest one-dimpled grin, and says, “Cheese!” I hope I can think back to how my heart melts when she gives me a kiss and it actually lands on my cheek. At this age, she’s such an active toddler that it is often too hard for her to be still long enough to plant it on my face, and it becomes an air kiss, well-intended, but without quite the same power to turn me into a puddle on the floor. I hope I recall this weekend, when I was heading out to run a quick errand while “Da-ee” (as she calls him) stayed home with the girls. Ten seconds after I walked out to the garage, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone and went back in…I was met with Lily, moving each of her feet up and down in a happy dance / stomp and squealing, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” as if I’d been gone for two weeks. There is no loyalty like that found in a one-year-old…a heart of gold that is finally able to return your affections by running toward you, a mind with knowledge that she continues to need you for snacks and love, and a hand that still bears the dimples of babyhood, ready to grasp yours when she is afraid. I’m guessing I will forget how she scares me daily…by climbing up her high chair and to a standing position with no fear as she hovers above the hard tile floor, by climbing up the stairs in absolute darkness as I’m still finishing the sentence, “Where did Lily…,” by shutting herself in the bathroom if anyone ever forgets to leave the door closed. Happily, she has learned to play in the sink instead of unrolling the toilet paper…definite progress. She insists on walking down the stairs holding the railing. She is not daunted by the fact that the railing is at a level designed for an adult. She simply stands on her tippy-toes. She is so brave, a quality I admire. It just has its moments when you’re the mom. When Emma was a baby, I never let her out of my sight. I haven’t found a way for that to be possible now that I have two young kids. I definitely try to keep careful tabs on Lily, but I think a combination of her personality and my inability to constantly hover (which has probably helped her personality to blossom into an even braver kid) mean that I’ve had a few heart-stopping moments. The newborn age has the sleep deprivation factor, and there is nothing that compares to that, but as far as care for a child, I think that this is the most challenging age I’ve encountered so far. When a little one has just enough physical ability to get into trouble and absolutely no idea of what real trouble is, it’s a daunting task to keep her safe. And what preciousness she is to keep safe…with a giggle that lights up a room, eyes that absolutely sparkle, a personality that is easy to be around. No matter who she is, I love her, but she is truly a delight. She has a lightness about her for which I am so grateful. Sure, there are times when she has her toddler moments of screaming in despair, but she can turn on a dime and be giggling a few seconds later. She has a sensitive heart and cries from hurt feelings when I tell her “no,” but she quickly forgives and welcomes comforting snuggles even if I am the one who has made her sad. I thank God for giving me such sunshine each day. She gives me few moments where I can let down my guard, prevents me from getting my house as clean as I would like or my to do list as updated as I hope, but as I’ve learned from Emma, this is such a short season. I am trying to enjoy each nightly snuggle, every new word she utters, each time she sees me taking the rugs out of the kitchen and runs to get her mop to “help.” I absolutely love the joy with which she greets each new morning, the freshness that she brings to the world after twelve straight hours of sleep, the way she loves her routine, running for her SleepSack at naptime or scurrying up the stairs saying “bath” when she gets out of her highchair after dinner. At each step, she knows what comes next, and she’s often one step ahead of me. I love this age, where she is listening to everything and her receptive language is so strong, where she understands what is going on even when she can’t fully articulate her own thoughts. I love that she can say a word or two, and I know just what she’s trying to express and can interpret it as she listens. There is something so incredible about watching a life unfold from the beginning. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be a part of her growing. So, when I think back to the toddler years, I hope I remember it all…the good, the tough, the unique, the mundane. I’ve heard people say, “When you have young kids, the days are long, but the years are short.” I feel that already, and I’ve only been at this about four years. It wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have my “Calgon, take me away” days, but I hope that, in the middle of the magic and the muck, to the best of my ability, I fully appreciate each moment. To whom much is given, much is expected. May I be much kindness, love, patience, encouragement, and parenting wisdom to the toddler who has my heart and knows how to make it stop or melt in a moment.

The Princess Dilemma

Sometimes, the toughest part about being a parent is knowing how little you know. With all of my heart, I want to make the right decisions for my girls, but I don’t always know how to ensure that will happen. I think things through, study each child for clues on whether I’m getting it right, think back to the way my parents raised me, pray for wisdom, and read books. Still, sometimes it comes down to the real-life, everyday dilemmas. For instance, my dad recently took Emma and me to her first movie theater movie, Tangled. I really enjoyed the movie. Emma wanted me to take her out for part of it that got a bit too scary and overwhelming but has talked about it positively almost every day since. She pretends to be Rapunzel, talks about Flynn Rider, remembers the storyline, and thinks a lot more about her hair these days. Yesterday, she decided that she wants to have a Rapunzel-themed fourth birthday party. My first instinct was, “Sure, why not?” As her mom, I want to make her dreams come true. But as her mom, I also think twice about reinforcing a storyline where a very young woman falls in love with a man who has made many bad choices, and her love is enough to turn him around. On the one hand, I want Emma to be able to dream and imagine and dance and be a carefree almost four-year-old. On the other hand, I don’t want her to grow up to think that it is her job to save a “bad boy” or to think that she will be in a relationship where she can or should change someone else. I know that people can change. I appreciate how hard some people work to change. I just don’t want my daughter to be the one who is relying on that change. Overthinking this one? Perhaps, but I feel like each of the princess stories has its own dilemma. Don’t get me wrong. We are knee deep in princesses at our house…the dress up clothes, the dolls, the books, and recently, the movies. She loves it. I love her. I know there is a brief time in life for an imagination to be unending, for stories to be magical, for a world other than her own to be so enchanting and accessible. It just happens that it is the same brief time when she is forming thoughts about herself as a girl / woman, about how the world of relationships works, about what should be feared in the world and what should be celebrated. Insert deep motherly sigh here. In the end, the Rapunzel party will probably prevail. I can imagine a grown woman who mourns the fact that she didn’t get to have the birthday party of her dreams while she attended four other Rapunzel birthday parties that year (just guessing that it will be a popular theme.) I can’t really imagine her being in a bad relationship and saying, “Mom, if only you hadn’t let me have that Rapunzel party. I would have known how to choose a solid man, a man of good character who wouldn’t rely on me to help him recover from his troubled childhood and become a citizen in good standing.” Conant and I will talk with her for the next two (or three) decades about healthy relationships; Conant will continue to be an attentive father; we will try to model a loving relationship devoid of any thievery (Tangled reference for those who haven't seen it); and in so doing, we will hope to combat the princess influence. After all, it is nice to finally get to movies that we actually enjoy watching with Emma. Though Little People, Barney, and The Wiggles leave me with fewer philosophical dilemmas, they are also much less compelling and not the best soundtracks to have stuck in my head at 3:00 a.m. And there is something magical about letting go of all reality, leaving the dirty laundry in a heap, and curling up with your preschooler while she imagines that she is a princess and all is right in her world…because in those moments, you forget how little you know, and all is right in your world, too.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am not someone who loves the winter weather, but in spite of that, I find that this is my favorite time of the year. With Christmas fast approaching, it is a time when we remember how very loved we are, and in turn, we are able to show love to others. It is a time to think of family and friends, a chance to show our appreciation to those who teach our children, an opportunity to start new traditions and uphold old ones. It is a time to think of those who are in need…of a smile, a friend, warm clothes. It is a time when little ones like my Emma go against what child development says about egocentricity and think of others before themselves. The other day, we were busy making Christmas gifts for loved ones in Emma and Lily’s lives. As soon as I thought we were finished, Emma would think of someone new. At the end, she said we had two more to do, one for God and one for Jesus. She has been asking a lot of questions this year, and it is interesting to see her understanding of Christmas grow and change. On our last mommy / daughter date, we spent our time together shopping for a four-year-old girl. I told Emma that this little girl didn’t have new clothes or toys to play with, and she was instantly committed to making this a special Christmas for her. As we shopped at Target, she spotted many things that she was sure this little girl would love. When I stopped to check out a winter hat and mittens for Emma, she wisely reminded me, “Mommy, we need to be getting things for the little girl who doesn’t have anything, not me.” My heart melted, and a lady passing by gave an audible, “awww!” Sometimes I think we underestimate our kids and how much they can appreciate the giving nature of the season. Though, before I give the perception that Emma is not still a three-year-old, by the time we got to the second store, she told me that both she and the little girl would love to have a Barbie. We bought one Barbie, and thankfully Emma was still very excited to give it away. I have decided to make our shopping trip a yearly date, with us focusing on someone we have never met yet hope to give a little bit merrier Christmas.

The giving spirit is in the air this time of year. A friend of mine said that her daughter was doing jobs around the house to buy Emma a present for Christmas. Emma was excited when I shared this idea, and she promptly started to work doing jobs that are above and beyond her usual chores. She dusted all of the woodwork, vacuumed the steps, and asked for even more work. She is saving her dimes and quarters to go to the dollar store and pick out a couple of items for her friends. Saturday, she took some of the hard-earned money and brought it to church to help buy kids in Uganda clean water. I am proud of her thoughtfulness and glad that she willingly gave without me having to convince her. Part of the magic of the holidays is traditions, those things we know we can look forward to and look back on with those we love. A Christmas tradition I started this year is to buy a new dated Christmas ornament for each girl that I will place in her stocking. As I hung ornaments on our tree that were mine from the 70s and 80s, I thought of my girls being able to reminisce about their childhoods each year when they are grown. I decided that they will each have a collection to begin their Christmas tree someday. Thankfully, their aunt and uncle and grandparents already started this collection. I look forward to continuing it. This year, I chose an ornament for Lily that has a bear dressed for the outdoors because she loves to be outside and an ornament entitled “Snow Buddies” for Emma because of all of her new preschool friends. A tradition I started two years ago was to have Christmas pancakes on Christmas morning. I simply press a cookie cutter in the top of each pancake, and it makes an already lovable food even more festive. Plus, it is a simple food to make and easy to fit in even with all of the excitement of kids and presents. I can taste the maple syrup already! As Christmas approaches, I can feel the excitement in the air. Nineteen-month-old Lily even celebrated by spelling her name for the first time on Saturday. She must know that there is something special about December. To cap off an already great start to December, we had our family pictures taken. Yes, hope did spring anew, but so did wisdom. This time, I took an entire support system. Conant met us there, and Grandpa and Grandma came along to help us get some smiles. Emma told me that she was going to “listen the whole time” because she remembered how disappointed I was after the first experience. Lily seemed to put all of her effort into being cooperative, as well. I am so happy with our new pictures and even happier about the people in them.

I have always loved Christmas, but for me, having children makes it sweeter, more meaningful, filled with greater anticipation and gratitude and gifts. As I look at our Christmas tree with ornaments filled with memories and meaning, as I gaze at the presents that will bring smiles to others, as I think of how loved we are and how blessed we are, I am so grateful for this truly wonderful time of the year. It may be cold outside, but may the season warm each one of us from the inside out.

Laugh Out Loud

This past week, the girls have given us some good belly laughs. The other day, Conant came home from work for a very quick lunch. I had food waiting for him. He quickly ate and then, being helpful as usual, he prepared to wash his dishes. I didn’t want him to have to rush to get back for his meeting, so I said, “Just leave it, please. I’ll take care of it.” Emma looked right at me, took on a defensive stance, and with much intonation, said, “Don’t talk about my father that way. He’s not crazy. He’s a genius!” Conant and I looked at each other in shock that Emma would talk to me like this, and then realization hit. Recently, I let Emma watch her first Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, and after a moment, I recognized her line as one that Belle passionately delivers in the movie. I whispered, “Beauty and the Beast” to Conant. Much as we tried to contain ourselves, we let out a few giggles as Emma continued to say the line again and again with conviction. She is so good at delivering lines spot on. She gets the emotion of the scene and delivers it well…so well, in fact, that I couldn’t even reprimand her for “talking to her mother that way.” Last Wednesday, on our way to school, Emma was so excited that it was her share day. Once a week, she gets to choose an item to bring to school to show to her classmates. As we rode to preschool that morning, she joyfully announced, "This is the day dreams come true!" 

  

Lily gives us lots of reasons to smile and makes us laugh, too. Every time she hears the word “birthday,” she breaks into song: “Hap-py!” Whether she hears it faintly from another room or is sitting right by the person kind enough to mention a birthday, she belts out “Hap-py” with the same enthusiasm. Since her big sister likes to have a pretend birthday almost every day, she’s in luck. She gets an opportunity to sing quite regularly. The other day, I told her that Emma was tired. She looked at me and said, “Sssshhh, quiet.” I guess she’s heard me tell her to be quiet enough mornings when she wakes up before Emma. It sounded so cute coming from her eighteen-month-old mouth. It was not delivered in a scolding way…more with a big, dimpled, couldn’t-be-prouder grin. 

And as I sit here with a grin of my own on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am so thankful for two little girls who make us laugh as they learn about language and life.

Is a Picture Worth a Thousand...

…gray hairs? That is what I found myself asking yesterday. Thursday is currently my favorite day of the week, simply because I have nothing concrete scheduled, nothing to get two kids ready for, nothing to rush out the door for in the morning. We can go to library story time or have grandparents over or run errands or make homemade granola. The possibilities are endless. So, when I woke up yesterday to a Thursday, I was excited, hopeful, optimistic, ready to be super mom (or more accurately at least not a super overscheduled, super stressed, super hurried mom.) Then, I got (in retrospect) a not-so-bright idea. I would get the girls and myself ready and go get pictures taken to surprise Conant and the grandparents for Christmas. The plan seemed simple enough…choose outfits, do three heads of hair in photo worthy styles (I wanted one picture of all three of us for Conant’s office), secure an appointment, ask for a female photographer since my girls are leery of men they don’t know, make sure bellies are very full and children are rested. We spent over an hour preparing for our appointment. I ironed, kept clothes on top of their clothes until the last second, wiped their faces until they shined, took along extra clothes just in case, and loaded us into the minivan. We arrived at the photo studio all smiles. Then, the nice photographer took us back to the room, and Lily began to sob as if someone was trying to rip her from my arms or had just told her that she could not have seconds of her favorite snack. (And yes, these two traumatic events currently elicit the same amount and intensity of crying from her.) Several minutes and two very puffy, tear-filled eyes later, I removed Lily from the room, worked to soothe her, wiped her eyes and face, and took her back in to try again. She continued to be extremely challenging and refused to have her picture taken without me holding her. My hope was to get sister pictures for the grandparents. I had a great coupon, a great attitude, and a great amount of false hope. After a while of listening to my 18-month-old scream, the nice lady politely suggested she download the pictures to see what we had. We both knew that what we had was a big waste of digital memory space. I love my children and am supposed to say that they couldn’t take a bad picture, but they took a lot of them yesterday. After we reviewed the pictures and agreed that there was not a single one that was usable, I tentatively asked the photographer if we could try a few with the girls sitting on a little bench. I knew Lily would love the bench. Sure enough, she smiled and felt like a big girl. The problem at this point was that Emma was done. She had cooperated (though half-heartedly) during Lily’s hysteria, and she did not have anything left to give. After looking at the second set of pictures, I told the lady, with great embarrassment, that I could buy some pictures to make it worth her time, but they would not be going out to relatives or going on our wall. She mercifully told me that I didn’t have to, and we could reschedule. I replied that I would not bring my children back until we were to a point where they would actually have their picture taken (willingly and without disturbing the entire mall.) I think she was secretly doing back flips, but she respectfully concealed her relief. As we were talking, though, she actually told Emma to be quiet. I could tell she was at the end of her patience. I had left my patience behind about twenty minutes into the session. As I buckled Emma into her car seat, she looked at me and said, “Mommy, you look very sad.” I answered, “I am very sad. I really wanted to surprise Daddy and Grandpa and Grandma with some nice pictures.” Emma carefully thought this over, then said, “You are sad, so I am sad, too. I am sad because you are my friend, Mommy. You are my friend, and I love you. If you are sad, I am sad.” Conant got home shortly after we did, and he saw my crushed face. I went downstairs to collect myself, and I could hear him questioning the girls. Emma said, “Mommy is so sad because we didn’t get any pictures. Peanut was crying. “Conant wisely asked, “And were you being a good listener to Mommy?” Emma honestly answered, “A little bit. I’ll try harder next time. I am sad because Mommy’s sad. She’s my best friend.” Conant answered, “She’s my best friend, too.” All of this sweetness helped make me feel a bit better about the day, but I still felt as though I had left my zest for Thursdays and mothering behind halfway through our photo session. Most days, I would tell you that being a mom is tough but wonderful. Yesterday, all I felt was tough. I am so grateful for my two beautiful girls. I am beyond thankful that they are healthy, sweet, and a much wanted part of our family. I guess I just wanted to capture that beauty and sweetness for our loved ones and for our family’s posterity. As ridiculous as it sounds, it hurt my feelings when the girls wouldn’t cooperate for something so important to me. My husband gently reminded me that Lily is one-and-a-half. Perhaps I should have talked to him before I had the bright idea to go in the first place. So, Emma and Lily, when you ask me some day why we don’t have professional pictures of the two of you, it is because I decided that, for now, a picture is not worth getting a thousand gray hairs, crying a hundred tears, or making a couple of photographers cringe when they see our family. Daddy takes many wonderful pictures of the two of you, and for now, that will have to be enough…at least until next week, when I might decide to have our annual family Christmas photo taken. For, in motherhood, hope always springs anew. We see the possibilities in our kids, and somehow, we forget the exhaustion when we look into their faces. All we see is love. When I woke up today, I didn’t see two little girls who wouldn’t smile for the camera. I saw two gifts from God who make me smile every day. And that is worth more than a thousand pictures.

Laughter and Love

Laughter: Emma makes us laugh regularly now. Sometimes she is trying to be silly, and sometimes she is really funny without trying at all. Last night, as we were making dinner for some friends, we lit a candle. Emma asked whose birthday it was. This was a logical question, given that she had two friends’ birthday parties this weekend. We told her it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. Then, she said, “I know! It’s the first night of Hanukkah.” Though we used to live in a very diverse area, that was before Emma was born. She has actually never talked to anyone who celebrates Hanukkah, but in the past, we have let her learn about other holidays through a Sesame Street video. Obviously she’s just been watching for signs that we’re beginning the Hanukkah celebration. Along those same lines, she likes to get really close to Lily, especially when we’re not in the room, and quietly ask her, “How do you celebrate Kwanzaa, baby?” I’ve come around the corner more than once to happen upon this sweet scene. 

Love: Emma really knows how to show love. We were eating lunch with Grandma when Emma said that she wanted to take Grandma to a restaurant in town. I told her that Daddy would take her on their upcoming daddy / daughter date. Emma adores Daddy, but she said, “No, I want to take Grandma.” I asked her why. She replied, “Because she’s my best friend.” I think it made Grandma’s week! We have started playing this Mad – Sad – Glad game that I learned about at my church Mom to Mom group. Emma loves it. The first night we played, I asked her and my hubby what had made them glad, sad, and mad that day. After the two of them had gone, the subject somehow got changed. Emma persisted, though, and said, “Excuse me, Mommy. What made you glad today?” She is thoughtful to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, and she wanted to make sure I didn’t get left out. When Daddy has to go on business trips, she eagerly colors him pictures and dictates notes to him. We hide them in his suitcase, and she talks about how Daddy is in “Connecticut.” If Lily is desperate for a doll, even if it’s one Emma really wants to play with, she usually gives Lily a turn with it. If Lily is crying, Emma will sometimes start giggling just to get baby sister feeling better and giggling with her. After Emma went to a classmate’s spa / doll / tea party birthday spectacular this weekend, I asked her what her favorite parts of the party were. She answered “the snack” and “bringing a present to my friend, Lily.” She truly loves to give (and she also loves to eat!) Emma continues to be a tender, thoughtful kid. We are thankful for the smiles she gives us and how she tugs on our heartstrings.

One-On-One Fun With the Youngest One

Though we miss Emma while she is at preschool, she absolutely loves it there. She has told me, “Mommy, I don’t cry at preschool because I am so happy there.” So, it is without guilt that Lily and I very much enjoy our chance for one-on-one time while big sister is having the time of her life. There are definitely mornings when I clean the house, do laundry, run errands, and generally try to catch up when I have one sweet monkey here instead of two, but then there are the other mornings, the ones when it is Lily’s time. We read, we play, and we find out who Lily is without a big sister around. They are sweet friends and great playmates, but it is nice to know what Lily likes to do when there is no one to follow or to negotiate toy rights with, no one to influence her or to answer questions before Lily gets a chance. Though Emma has been a very kind big sister the vast majority of the time, it can be tough always being littler, trying to keep up in a much smaller body. When Lily and I are alone, she doesn’t try to keep up. She just is. And I get to watch that, and I get to smile. I feel like this one-on-one time gives Lily the best of both worlds…a big sister who is a lot of fun to learn from and time alone with Mommy to giggle and grow. I think Lily’s favorite activity is our Music Together class with Teacher Donna. She squeals with delight, claps with the music, walks around, and joins in with some of the words and sounds. She is absolutely joyful while we are there, and she beams much of the time. If you even mention Teacher Donna’s name, she starts singing “Hu-llo,” slapping her hands on her legs like we do in the opening song, and making funny sounds on her lips just like Teacher Donna does. We have fun at home, too. This morning, Lily spent at least fifteen minutes just rocking her favorite baby, which happens to be Emma’s baby. She cuddled her and smiled at her, caring for her with such a warm motherly touch that it kept me from laughing at the fact that the doll is truly almost as big as Lily is. She “fed” me from the play dishes from the play kitchen. We read together as she confidently told me the animal sounds and eagerly listened to her books. She soaked up the mommy time, the cuddles, the sweet stillness of a quiet house. Even when we are alone, though, she is still independent. When her nose got messy, she blew it herself, and when her diaper needed changing, she told me. I marvel sometimes at how young she has been when she has wanted to feed herself, blow her nose, brush her teeth, wash her hands, play with the “big girl” toys. She answers "yeah" or "no" to questions with absolute conviction. She asks for her snack, crawls up the stairs to get it, and opens the pantry door with a request for “cracker” or “puff puff” or occasionally goes to the buffet to hand me a piece of fruit. Though I think she was born to have a certain personality, a confidence about her, she has also been formed by the necessity of not having everything done for her instantly. Being a second child can be a challenge, but it can also be a gift. She has learned to use her voice and to figure things out by watching others. She has learned to share and work out deals with another child, to know that the world doesn’t revolve only around her, but that she is so important to our family, and she is absolutely one of the most important parts of our world. I give thanks that Lily is exactly who she is…who she was born to be, who she is because she was the second child born to our family, who she is still becoming in the moments when she watches me, observes her sister, gets swung around by her adoring daddy, makes her own choices and decisions no matter what the rest of us like to do. I am so happy that I get a chance to just be with her sometimes, to interact with her in a way that is only possible one-on-one, to give her undivided attention. Then, I am absolutely thrilled when our family of four can be together again, to learn from each other, love on each other, and play together. For in my eyes, there is nothing like a mommy, daddy, and two little girls having a family dance party, giggling all at the same time, sharing the joy of family togetherness. I like to think that Lily has the best of both worlds…a noisy house full of love and quiet moments filled with mommy time, and I think the world of the blessing that is for both of us.