Sometimes, the toughest part about being a parent is knowing how little you know. With all of my heart, I want to make the right decisions for my girls, but I don’t always know how to ensure that will happen. I think things through, study each child for clues on whether I’m getting it right, think back to the way my parents raised me, pray for wisdom, and read books.
Still, sometimes it comes down to the real-life, everyday dilemmas. For instance, my dad recently took Emma and me to her first movie theater movie, Tangled. I really enjoyed the movie. Emma wanted me to take her out for part of it that got a bit too scary and overwhelming but has talked about it positively almost every day since. She pretends to be Rapunzel, talks about Flynn Rider, remembers the storyline, and thinks a lot more about her hair these days. Yesterday, she decided that she wants to have a Rapunzel-themed fourth birthday party. My first instinct was, “Sure, why not?”
As her mom, I want to make her dreams come true. But as her mom, I also think twice about reinforcing a storyline where a very young woman falls in love with a man who has made many bad choices, and her love is enough to turn him around. On the one hand, I want Emma to be able to dream and imagine and dance and be a carefree almost four-year-old. On the other hand, I don’t want her to grow up to think that it is her job to save a “bad boy” or to think that she will be in a relationship where she can or should change someone else. I know that people can change. I appreciate how hard some people work to change. I just don’t want my daughter to be the one who is relying on that change.
Overthinking this one? Perhaps, but I feel like each of the princess stories has its own dilemma. Don’t get me wrong. We are knee deep in princesses at our house…the dress up clothes, the dolls, the books, and recently, the movies. She loves it. I love her. I know there is a brief time in life for an imagination to be unending, for stories to be magical, for a world other than her own to be so enchanting and accessible. It just happens that it is the same brief time when she is forming thoughts about herself as a girl / woman, about how the world of relationships works, about what should be feared in the world and what should be celebrated. Insert deep motherly sigh here.
In the end, the Rapunzel party will probably prevail. I can imagine a grown woman who mourns the fact that she didn’t get to have the birthday party of her dreams while she attended four other Rapunzel birthday parties that year (just guessing that it will be a popular theme.) I can’t really imagine her being in a bad relationship and saying, “Mom, if only you hadn’t let me have that Rapunzel party. I would have known how to choose a solid man, a man of good character who wouldn’t rely on me to help him recover from his troubled childhood and become a citizen in good standing.” Conant and I will talk with her for the next two (or three) decades about healthy relationships; Conant will continue to be an attentive father; we will try to model a loving relationship devoid of any thievery (Tangled reference for those who haven't seen it); and in so doing, we will hope to combat the princess influence. After all, it is nice to finally get to movies that we actually enjoy watching with Emma. Though Little People, Barney, and The Wiggles leave me with fewer philosophical dilemmas, they are also much less compelling and not the best soundtracks to have stuck in my head at 3:00 a.m.
And there is something magical about letting go of all reality, leaving the dirty laundry in a heap, and curling up with your preschooler while she imagines that she is a princess and all is right in her world…because in those moments, you forget how little you know, and all is right in your world, too.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The Princess Dilemma
Sometimes, the toughest part about being a parent is knowing how little you know. With all of my heart, I want to make the right decisions for my girls, but I don’t always know how to ensure that will happen. I think things through, study each child for clues on whether I’m getting it right, think back to the way my parents raised me, pray for wisdom, and read books.
Still, sometimes it comes down to the real-life, everyday dilemmas. For instance, my dad recently took Emma and me to her first movie theater movie, Tangled. I really enjoyed the movie. Emma wanted me to take her out for part of it that got a bit too scary and overwhelming but has talked about it positively almost every day since. She pretends to be Rapunzel, talks about Flynn Rider, remembers the storyline, and thinks a lot more about her hair these days. Yesterday, she decided that she wants to have a Rapunzel-themed fourth birthday party. My first instinct was, “Sure, why not?”
As her mom, I want to make her dreams come true. But as her mom, I also think twice about reinforcing a storyline where a very young woman falls in love with a man who has made many bad choices, and her love is enough to turn him around. On the one hand, I want Emma to be able to dream and imagine and dance and be a carefree almost four-year-old. On the other hand, I don’t want her to grow up to think that it is her job to save a “bad boy” or to think that she will be in a relationship where she can or should change someone else. I know that people can change. I appreciate how hard some people work to change. I just don’t want my daughter to be the one who is relying on that change.
Overthinking this one? Perhaps, but I feel like each of the princess stories has its own dilemma. Don’t get me wrong. We are knee deep in princesses at our house…the dress up clothes, the dolls, the books, and recently, the movies. She loves it. I love her. I know there is a brief time in life for an imagination to be unending, for stories to be magical, for a world other than her own to be so enchanting and accessible. It just happens that it is the same brief time when she is forming thoughts about herself as a girl / woman, about how the world of relationships works, about what should be feared in the world and what should be celebrated. Insert deep motherly sigh here.
In the end, the Rapunzel party will probably prevail. I can imagine a grown woman who mourns the fact that she didn’t get to have the birthday party of her dreams while she attended four other Rapunzel birthday parties that year (just guessing that it will be a popular theme.) I can’t really imagine her being in a bad relationship and saying, “Mom, if only you hadn’t let me have that Rapunzel party. I would have known how to choose a solid man, a man of good character who wouldn’t rely on me to help him recover from his troubled childhood and become a citizen in good standing.” Conant and I will talk with her for the next two (or three) decades about healthy relationships; Conant will continue to be an attentive father; we will try to model a loving relationship devoid of any thievery (Tangled reference for those who haven't seen it); and in so doing, we will hope to combat the princess influence. After all, it is nice to finally get to movies that we actually enjoy watching with Emma. Though Little People, Barney, and The Wiggles leave me with fewer philosophical dilemmas, they are also much less compelling and not the best soundtracks to have stuck in my head at 3:00 a.m.
And there is something magical about letting go of all reality, leaving the dirty laundry in a heap, and curling up with your preschooler while she imagines that she is a princess and all is right in her world…because in those moments, you forget how little you know, and all is right in your world, too.
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I have the same dilemma - and even read one blogger who refused princesses in her home because it's not "realistic." But I agree with you. The window of time when one can have an imaginary fantasy world is so small, especially for children in this modern age. They grow up so fast. If princess stories can keep them young at heart, I'm all for it. I will insert some reality, though, in our own home. For instance, when one tells me, "I want to be a princess when I grow up," we talk about what a real princess would do. Of course, that's probably not going to be her reality, but there is no harm in having a dream. And here I am overthinking on your blog so I will leave off. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to your family.
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