Sweet Surprise

Tonight as we were playing Hide and Seek, I realized with surprise that 21 ½ month old Lily was counting for me. Without me actively teaching her, she learned to count one to ten with surprising accuracy. Though she sometimes needs prompting on a number or two, she can do it, especially confidently proclaiming 9 and 10. The incredible thing about birth order is how much she absorbs by watching and trying to keep up with everyone else in the family. When we play hide and seek, she squeals, hides her head under a pillow, and evidently learns to count from one to ten while she waits. And as she is absorbing new things, Lily continues to be such a ball of energy and sweetness. She climbs up everything as if there isn’t a square inch that she can’t conquer. She runs into the room with a smile and a “hi, mama!” that causes me to grin right back at her. She has started to read small parts of books when I get to a word or short phrase she knows well. She loves to color and sometimes likes to say the names of letters as she draws, pretending she is writing. As is common in the toddler years, her learning is exploding, and it is such fun to watch. She is asserting her independence and wishing for input into her own life. If I offer her the pink bib, she earnestly requests, “blue bib, blue bib.” If I offer the blue bib, she wants the pink one. If I hold both of them up, she beams and reaches for the one she wants. She loves to pick out her diaper and her clothes. While she is growing and changing every day, some things remain constant. She adores Grandma and Papa, as she calls him, and if she knows they’re coming at any point in the day, she will run to the door and say, “Watch! Watch! Grandma and Papa” as she waits for their minivan to pull in the driveway. When they arrive, she squeals and runs around the room. I love her bond with them. Sometimes Lily does get frustrated at the limitations that come with age (or, rather, lack of age.) When she is too rough with big sister’s toys and I redirect her, she is crushed, devastated. She is typically a quick one to recover, though, and though tears may stay planted firmly on her face, she is soon smiling again. She loves to say silly words like “acky!” and burst into laughter. My favorite moments in parenting continue to be those like tonight, when both girls were running around the living room, giggling together and with me about nothing and everything. All in all, Lily has such joy for life, and watching her learn is such joy in mine. I love the sweet surprise of how much someone so little can enjoy life, how much she learns from simply living it, and how brilliantly she brightens the lives of those around her.

Four Days Until Four

For weeks now, Emma has been looking forward to our new morning ritual, removing one link from the paper chain in the kitchen that denotes the number of days until her birthday. She is incredibly excited to turn four, to join some of her preschool classmates in being a really big kid, to celebrate with friends and family with a much-awaited birthday cake. As she looks back at her fourth birthday, I don’t know if she will remember a single detail, but kids are good at living in the moment, and Emma is enjoying every moment of the anticipation of her big day. As I plan for her birthday, I also want to plan for the future…when Emma and I will have a fuzzier recollection of what she was like as an almost four-year-old. So, today, with four days until four, I plan to tell her a little bit about her:

 

My Sweet Emma Grace, 

 • You have a very active imagination. Each morning, you like to declare the character you will be today. If it is Plum Pudding from Strawberry Shortcake, you will dress in purple, color in purple, eat from a purple bowl, and generally stick to your theme with a dedication that would make Hasbro (the maker of Strawberry Shortcake) proud. If you are Strawberry Shortcake, you pretend to set up your own Berry Café in your room, request strawberries for snack, and incorporate the theme in a way that would make any elementary school teacher admire the thematic unit that you have created for yourself. Today, you are Rapunzel. You sing her songs, dress in a fancy dress, and comment again and again about how your hair is growing longer like hers. I love your creativity, your conviction, and the twinkle in your eye as you know that your pretending is a magical world that you are composing for yourself. • You have a sensitive heart. Even though I broke my toe over two months ago, you still ask how it’s feeling almost daily, inquiring if it is all better yet. If Daddy is working late and I’m trying to get dinner ready, you help clean up the family room and tell me not to worry. The other day, I was busy, and Lily was crying hard. You started singing her a song about her name, and it made me feel so happy to see you encourage your sister. • You also cry often from hurt feelings and bumps and bruises. Your sensitivity is something that gives us plenty of smiles, but it is also tough to see you cry and have a hard time so many times each day. We talk a lot about using your words, and when you do, you are very articulate. You will say something like, "Lily is destroying my beautiful Berry Cafe. She is wreaking havoc, Mommy." Lately, you have had a difficult time whenever you need to be apart from me…mostly when you first have to separate at church or sometimes preschool drop off or even at home if I am working on something and you are supposed to stay with Daddy and Lily. You say, “I just love you so much, Mommy.” You definitely have a strong bond with me, and I am so grateful for that, but I also want to encourage you to be brave in the world so that you might find the joys that happen when you are away from me. • Preschool continues to be a really positive place for you. You tell me about what the other kids do, what you have for snack, and sometimes what your teachers say. You are proud to have a life of your own there, and I am proud of how you are growing. • You are opinionated and not afraid to tell the people that are closest to you what you think. We are working on you consistently doing this in a polite way. Often you do, but it is something we will continue to practice as you become a “really big kid.” • You are so happy when you accomplish something that is tough, saying, “I did it…all by myself!,” but you also get frustrated pretty quickly when something is hard. I am sure it is difficult sometimes to be a preschool aged kid with so many new things to accomplish all of the time. • You love to play Hide and Seek and will play for as long as Daddy, Lily, and I will hide and look for you. You are cute about telling us where you are soon after you hide or sometimes hiding right in front of us before we have even closed our eyes. You squeal and giggle when you are found. • About a month ago, you started dressing yourself in the morning. Though, like most preschoolers, this makes for some interesting outfit combinations, you are proud of your newfound independence, and I love how you are able to help us get out the door in the morning. • You are a creature of habit and conscious of our family rules, requesting fruit for your afternoon snack, as you know this is our routine. You remind Grandma that you only get one treat a day, even when she hopes to spoil you with a little more. • You still love to read and enjoy your books very much. You also like to color and recently drew a fantastic self-portrait. Up until now, it’s been a bit tougher for you to draw and you often didn’t want to try to draw anything in particular, but on Valentine’s, day, you drew your face so well.

 

 

You are also getting better and better at writing your name. You still color quickly and prefer not to have to worry about staying in the lines, but you color with joy. • We play a Goldfish Game to strengthen your eye muscles, and you absolutely love it. You can’t wait to have us say, “Look at the Goldfish.” • You love to play with Lily sometimes and giggle and run with her. Other times, it’s tough to have a little sister who knocks over your things when she’s trying to play with you. Still, if you are away from Lily, you say you miss her. She gets excited to pick you up at school after she’s been away from you three mornings a week. • You like to make people laugh and will make silly faces, say the opposite of what you mean, and in general try to get other people to giggle. • You are good at your letters and can tell what almost any word starts with when you hear it. You like to count forward and backward. You count by 10s to 100 and count by 1s to a different number depending upon the day…sometimes it is 60. • Your favorite characters right now are Strawberry Shortcake and friends, princesses, and fairies. You like to play with tiny toys with many pieces, and you keep track of them well. You also like your Barbie-sized dolls. • Each afternoon, you have quiet time in your room for about 45 minutes. You look forward to watching a half an hour movie after your quiet time. • You often request snacks and enjoy food very much. Nothing gets as big of a smile as when you hear that you are going to get to eat something that you consider extra yummy. You are not especially picky and eat healthily, though you do not like zucchini or tofu. You say that your favorite food is crackers. • You really look forward to your Mommy / Daughter and Daddy / Daughter dates. We take turns taking you out once a month, and we love this time as much as you do. This month is my month, and I plan to take you out to eat…I can already see your smiles. • You talk quite a bit. Our house is almost never silent unless you are sleeping, and I am grateful for your curious questions and cheerful chatter. • Like many kids your age, I do have to remind you not to whine pretty regularly. Sometimes you tell me, “I’m having a grumpy day.” Other times, you say, ‘I was just hungry” or “I’m tired.” You think about the reasons you’re having a hard time. • You also think more about your friends now that you’re getting bigger and mention other kids more. It’s fun to see you become more socially aware. • You have an incredible memory. You have known our address since last summer, but yesterday when I picked you up from preschool, I sang you our phone number a few times for the first time. Later that afternoon, you correctly recited it without having heard it again for hours. You remember songs, too, and can sing your favorite songs word for word, with incredibly correct intonation and feeling. • You are uniquely you, and I’ve never met another kid like you. You are such a precious part of our family. • You are my Emma Grace, and four years ago you were still nestled snugly inside of me. No matter how big you get, you will still fit snugly inside of your mommy’s heart. I love you, birthday girl. Happy Fourth Birthday!!!!

Snuggles, Smiles, and Smooches

Lily is at such a fun age. At 20 ½ months old, she still loves to be snuggled before bed like she did as a baby, but she gives us the sweetest big girl smiles and the most wonderful cheek smooches, too. When I think back to her at this age someday, I hope I remember how she looks at the camera, gives me the cutest one-dimpled grin, and says, “Cheese!” I hope I can think back to how my heart melts when she gives me a kiss and it actually lands on my cheek. At this age, she’s such an active toddler that it is often too hard for her to be still long enough to plant it on my face, and it becomes an air kiss, well-intended, but without quite the same power to turn me into a puddle on the floor. I hope I recall this weekend, when I was heading out to run a quick errand while “Da-ee” (as she calls him) stayed home with the girls. Ten seconds after I walked out to the garage, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone and went back in…I was met with Lily, moving each of her feet up and down in a happy dance / stomp and squealing, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” as if I’d been gone for two weeks. There is no loyalty like that found in a one-year-old…a heart of gold that is finally able to return your affections by running toward you, a mind with knowledge that she continues to need you for snacks and love, and a hand that still bears the dimples of babyhood, ready to grasp yours when she is afraid. I’m guessing I will forget how she scares me daily…by climbing up her high chair and to a standing position with no fear as she hovers above the hard tile floor, by climbing up the stairs in absolute darkness as I’m still finishing the sentence, “Where did Lily…,” by shutting herself in the bathroom if anyone ever forgets to leave the door closed. Happily, she has learned to play in the sink instead of unrolling the toilet paper…definite progress. She insists on walking down the stairs holding the railing. She is not daunted by the fact that the railing is at a level designed for an adult. She simply stands on her tippy-toes. She is so brave, a quality I admire. It just has its moments when you’re the mom. When Emma was a baby, I never let her out of my sight. I haven’t found a way for that to be possible now that I have two young kids. I definitely try to keep careful tabs on Lily, but I think a combination of her personality and my inability to constantly hover (which has probably helped her personality to blossom into an even braver kid) mean that I’ve had a few heart-stopping moments. The newborn age has the sleep deprivation factor, and there is nothing that compares to that, but as far as care for a child, I think that this is the most challenging age I’ve encountered so far. When a little one has just enough physical ability to get into trouble and absolutely no idea of what real trouble is, it’s a daunting task to keep her safe. And what preciousness she is to keep safe…with a giggle that lights up a room, eyes that absolutely sparkle, a personality that is easy to be around. No matter who she is, I love her, but she is truly a delight. She has a lightness about her for which I am so grateful. Sure, there are times when she has her toddler moments of screaming in despair, but she can turn on a dime and be giggling a few seconds later. She has a sensitive heart and cries from hurt feelings when I tell her “no,” but she quickly forgives and welcomes comforting snuggles even if I am the one who has made her sad. I thank God for giving me such sunshine each day. She gives me few moments where I can let down my guard, prevents me from getting my house as clean as I would like or my to do list as updated as I hope, but as I’ve learned from Emma, this is such a short season. I am trying to enjoy each nightly snuggle, every new word she utters, each time she sees me taking the rugs out of the kitchen and runs to get her mop to “help.” I absolutely love the joy with which she greets each new morning, the freshness that she brings to the world after twelve straight hours of sleep, the way she loves her routine, running for her SleepSack at naptime or scurrying up the stairs saying “bath” when she gets out of her highchair after dinner. At each step, she knows what comes next, and she’s often one step ahead of me. I love this age, where she is listening to everything and her receptive language is so strong, where she understands what is going on even when she can’t fully articulate her own thoughts. I love that she can say a word or two, and I know just what she’s trying to express and can interpret it as she listens. There is something so incredible about watching a life unfold from the beginning. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be a part of her growing. So, when I think back to the toddler years, I hope I remember it all…the good, the tough, the unique, the mundane. I’ve heard people say, “When you have young kids, the days are long, but the years are short.” I feel that already, and I’ve only been at this about four years. It wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have my “Calgon, take me away” days, but I hope that, in the middle of the magic and the muck, to the best of my ability, I fully appreciate each moment. To whom much is given, much is expected. May I be much kindness, love, patience, encouragement, and parenting wisdom to the toddler who has my heart and knows how to make it stop or melt in a moment.

The Princess Dilemma

Sometimes, the toughest part about being a parent is knowing how little you know. With all of my heart, I want to make the right decisions for my girls, but I don’t always know how to ensure that will happen. I think things through, study each child for clues on whether I’m getting it right, think back to the way my parents raised me, pray for wisdom, and read books. Still, sometimes it comes down to the real-life, everyday dilemmas. For instance, my dad recently took Emma and me to her first movie theater movie, Tangled. I really enjoyed the movie. Emma wanted me to take her out for part of it that got a bit too scary and overwhelming but has talked about it positively almost every day since. She pretends to be Rapunzel, talks about Flynn Rider, remembers the storyline, and thinks a lot more about her hair these days. Yesterday, she decided that she wants to have a Rapunzel-themed fourth birthday party. My first instinct was, “Sure, why not?” As her mom, I want to make her dreams come true. But as her mom, I also think twice about reinforcing a storyline where a very young woman falls in love with a man who has made many bad choices, and her love is enough to turn him around. On the one hand, I want Emma to be able to dream and imagine and dance and be a carefree almost four-year-old. On the other hand, I don’t want her to grow up to think that it is her job to save a “bad boy” or to think that she will be in a relationship where she can or should change someone else. I know that people can change. I appreciate how hard some people work to change. I just don’t want my daughter to be the one who is relying on that change. Overthinking this one? Perhaps, but I feel like each of the princess stories has its own dilemma. Don’t get me wrong. We are knee deep in princesses at our house…the dress up clothes, the dolls, the books, and recently, the movies. She loves it. I love her. I know there is a brief time in life for an imagination to be unending, for stories to be magical, for a world other than her own to be so enchanting and accessible. It just happens that it is the same brief time when she is forming thoughts about herself as a girl / woman, about how the world of relationships works, about what should be feared in the world and what should be celebrated. Insert deep motherly sigh here. In the end, the Rapunzel party will probably prevail. I can imagine a grown woman who mourns the fact that she didn’t get to have the birthday party of her dreams while she attended four other Rapunzel birthday parties that year (just guessing that it will be a popular theme.) I can’t really imagine her being in a bad relationship and saying, “Mom, if only you hadn’t let me have that Rapunzel party. I would have known how to choose a solid man, a man of good character who wouldn’t rely on me to help him recover from his troubled childhood and become a citizen in good standing.” Conant and I will talk with her for the next two (or three) decades about healthy relationships; Conant will continue to be an attentive father; we will try to model a loving relationship devoid of any thievery (Tangled reference for those who haven't seen it); and in so doing, we will hope to combat the princess influence. After all, it is nice to finally get to movies that we actually enjoy watching with Emma. Though Little People, Barney, and The Wiggles leave me with fewer philosophical dilemmas, they are also much less compelling and not the best soundtracks to have stuck in my head at 3:00 a.m. And there is something magical about letting go of all reality, leaving the dirty laundry in a heap, and curling up with your preschooler while she imagines that she is a princess and all is right in her world…because in those moments, you forget how little you know, and all is right in your world, too.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am not someone who loves the winter weather, but in spite of that, I find that this is my favorite time of the year. With Christmas fast approaching, it is a time when we remember how very loved we are, and in turn, we are able to show love to others. It is a time to think of family and friends, a chance to show our appreciation to those who teach our children, an opportunity to start new traditions and uphold old ones. It is a time to think of those who are in need…of a smile, a friend, warm clothes. It is a time when little ones like my Emma go against what child development says about egocentricity and think of others before themselves. The other day, we were busy making Christmas gifts for loved ones in Emma and Lily’s lives. As soon as I thought we were finished, Emma would think of someone new. At the end, she said we had two more to do, one for God and one for Jesus. She has been asking a lot of questions this year, and it is interesting to see her understanding of Christmas grow and change. On our last mommy / daughter date, we spent our time together shopping for a four-year-old girl. I told Emma that this little girl didn’t have new clothes or toys to play with, and she was instantly committed to making this a special Christmas for her. As we shopped at Target, she spotted many things that she was sure this little girl would love. When I stopped to check out a winter hat and mittens for Emma, she wisely reminded me, “Mommy, we need to be getting things for the little girl who doesn’t have anything, not me.” My heart melted, and a lady passing by gave an audible, “awww!” Sometimes I think we underestimate our kids and how much they can appreciate the giving nature of the season. Though, before I give the perception that Emma is not still a three-year-old, by the time we got to the second store, she told me that both she and the little girl would love to have a Barbie. We bought one Barbie, and thankfully Emma was still very excited to give it away. I have decided to make our shopping trip a yearly date, with us focusing on someone we have never met yet hope to give a little bit merrier Christmas.

The giving spirit is in the air this time of year. A friend of mine said that her daughter was doing jobs around the house to buy Emma a present for Christmas. Emma was excited when I shared this idea, and she promptly started to work doing jobs that are above and beyond her usual chores. She dusted all of the woodwork, vacuumed the steps, and asked for even more work. She is saving her dimes and quarters to go to the dollar store and pick out a couple of items for her friends. Saturday, she took some of the hard-earned money and brought it to church to help buy kids in Uganda clean water. I am proud of her thoughtfulness and glad that she willingly gave without me having to convince her. Part of the magic of the holidays is traditions, those things we know we can look forward to and look back on with those we love. A Christmas tradition I started this year is to buy a new dated Christmas ornament for each girl that I will place in her stocking. As I hung ornaments on our tree that were mine from the 70s and 80s, I thought of my girls being able to reminisce about their childhoods each year when they are grown. I decided that they will each have a collection to begin their Christmas tree someday. Thankfully, their aunt and uncle and grandparents already started this collection. I look forward to continuing it. This year, I chose an ornament for Lily that has a bear dressed for the outdoors because she loves to be outside and an ornament entitled “Snow Buddies” for Emma because of all of her new preschool friends. A tradition I started two years ago was to have Christmas pancakes on Christmas morning. I simply press a cookie cutter in the top of each pancake, and it makes an already lovable food even more festive. Plus, it is a simple food to make and easy to fit in even with all of the excitement of kids and presents. I can taste the maple syrup already! As Christmas approaches, I can feel the excitement in the air. Nineteen-month-old Lily even celebrated by spelling her name for the first time on Saturday. She must know that there is something special about December. To cap off an already great start to December, we had our family pictures taken. Yes, hope did spring anew, but so did wisdom. This time, I took an entire support system. Conant met us there, and Grandpa and Grandma came along to help us get some smiles. Emma told me that she was going to “listen the whole time” because she remembered how disappointed I was after the first experience. Lily seemed to put all of her effort into being cooperative, as well. I am so happy with our new pictures and even happier about the people in them.

I have always loved Christmas, but for me, having children makes it sweeter, more meaningful, filled with greater anticipation and gratitude and gifts. As I look at our Christmas tree with ornaments filled with memories and meaning, as I gaze at the presents that will bring smiles to others, as I think of how loved we are and how blessed we are, I am so grateful for this truly wonderful time of the year. It may be cold outside, but may the season warm each one of us from the inside out.

Laugh Out Loud

This past week, the girls have given us some good belly laughs. The other day, Conant came home from work for a very quick lunch. I had food waiting for him. He quickly ate and then, being helpful as usual, he prepared to wash his dishes. I didn’t want him to have to rush to get back for his meeting, so I said, “Just leave it, please. I’ll take care of it.” Emma looked right at me, took on a defensive stance, and with much intonation, said, “Don’t talk about my father that way. He’s not crazy. He’s a genius!” Conant and I looked at each other in shock that Emma would talk to me like this, and then realization hit. Recently, I let Emma watch her first Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, and after a moment, I recognized her line as one that Belle passionately delivers in the movie. I whispered, “Beauty and the Beast” to Conant. Much as we tried to contain ourselves, we let out a few giggles as Emma continued to say the line again and again with conviction. She is so good at delivering lines spot on. She gets the emotion of the scene and delivers it well…so well, in fact, that I couldn’t even reprimand her for “talking to her mother that way.” Last Wednesday, on our way to school, Emma was so excited that it was her share day. Once a week, she gets to choose an item to bring to school to show to her classmates. As we rode to preschool that morning, she joyfully announced, "This is the day dreams come true!" 

  

Lily gives us lots of reasons to smile and makes us laugh, too. Every time she hears the word “birthday,” she breaks into song: “Hap-py!” Whether she hears it faintly from another room or is sitting right by the person kind enough to mention a birthday, she belts out “Hap-py” with the same enthusiasm. Since her big sister likes to have a pretend birthday almost every day, she’s in luck. She gets an opportunity to sing quite regularly. The other day, I told her that Emma was tired. She looked at me and said, “Sssshhh, quiet.” I guess she’s heard me tell her to be quiet enough mornings when she wakes up before Emma. It sounded so cute coming from her eighteen-month-old mouth. It was not delivered in a scolding way…more with a big, dimpled, couldn’t-be-prouder grin. 

And as I sit here with a grin of my own on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am so thankful for two little girls who make us laugh as they learn about language and life.

Is a Picture Worth a Thousand...

…gray hairs? That is what I found myself asking yesterday. Thursday is currently my favorite day of the week, simply because I have nothing concrete scheduled, nothing to get two kids ready for, nothing to rush out the door for in the morning. We can go to library story time or have grandparents over or run errands or make homemade granola. The possibilities are endless. So, when I woke up yesterday to a Thursday, I was excited, hopeful, optimistic, ready to be super mom (or more accurately at least not a super overscheduled, super stressed, super hurried mom.) Then, I got (in retrospect) a not-so-bright idea. I would get the girls and myself ready and go get pictures taken to surprise Conant and the grandparents for Christmas. The plan seemed simple enough…choose outfits, do three heads of hair in photo worthy styles (I wanted one picture of all three of us for Conant’s office), secure an appointment, ask for a female photographer since my girls are leery of men they don’t know, make sure bellies are very full and children are rested. We spent over an hour preparing for our appointment. I ironed, kept clothes on top of their clothes until the last second, wiped their faces until they shined, took along extra clothes just in case, and loaded us into the minivan. We arrived at the photo studio all smiles. Then, the nice photographer took us back to the room, and Lily began to sob as if someone was trying to rip her from my arms or had just told her that she could not have seconds of her favorite snack. (And yes, these two traumatic events currently elicit the same amount and intensity of crying from her.) Several minutes and two very puffy, tear-filled eyes later, I removed Lily from the room, worked to soothe her, wiped her eyes and face, and took her back in to try again. She continued to be extremely challenging and refused to have her picture taken without me holding her. My hope was to get sister pictures for the grandparents. I had a great coupon, a great attitude, and a great amount of false hope. After a while of listening to my 18-month-old scream, the nice lady politely suggested she download the pictures to see what we had. We both knew that what we had was a big waste of digital memory space. I love my children and am supposed to say that they couldn’t take a bad picture, but they took a lot of them yesterday. After we reviewed the pictures and agreed that there was not a single one that was usable, I tentatively asked the photographer if we could try a few with the girls sitting on a little bench. I knew Lily would love the bench. Sure enough, she smiled and felt like a big girl. The problem at this point was that Emma was done. She had cooperated (though half-heartedly) during Lily’s hysteria, and she did not have anything left to give. After looking at the second set of pictures, I told the lady, with great embarrassment, that I could buy some pictures to make it worth her time, but they would not be going out to relatives or going on our wall. She mercifully told me that I didn’t have to, and we could reschedule. I replied that I would not bring my children back until we were to a point where they would actually have their picture taken (willingly and without disturbing the entire mall.) I think she was secretly doing back flips, but she respectfully concealed her relief. As we were talking, though, she actually told Emma to be quiet. I could tell she was at the end of her patience. I had left my patience behind about twenty minutes into the session. As I buckled Emma into her car seat, she looked at me and said, “Mommy, you look very sad.” I answered, “I am very sad. I really wanted to surprise Daddy and Grandpa and Grandma with some nice pictures.” Emma carefully thought this over, then said, “You are sad, so I am sad, too. I am sad because you are my friend, Mommy. You are my friend, and I love you. If you are sad, I am sad.” Conant got home shortly after we did, and he saw my crushed face. I went downstairs to collect myself, and I could hear him questioning the girls. Emma said, “Mommy is so sad because we didn’t get any pictures. Peanut was crying. “Conant wisely asked, “And were you being a good listener to Mommy?” Emma honestly answered, “A little bit. I’ll try harder next time. I am sad because Mommy’s sad. She’s my best friend.” Conant answered, “She’s my best friend, too.” All of this sweetness helped make me feel a bit better about the day, but I still felt as though I had left my zest for Thursdays and mothering behind halfway through our photo session. Most days, I would tell you that being a mom is tough but wonderful. Yesterday, all I felt was tough. I am so grateful for my two beautiful girls. I am beyond thankful that they are healthy, sweet, and a much wanted part of our family. I guess I just wanted to capture that beauty and sweetness for our loved ones and for our family’s posterity. As ridiculous as it sounds, it hurt my feelings when the girls wouldn’t cooperate for something so important to me. My husband gently reminded me that Lily is one-and-a-half. Perhaps I should have talked to him before I had the bright idea to go in the first place. So, Emma and Lily, when you ask me some day why we don’t have professional pictures of the two of you, it is because I decided that, for now, a picture is not worth getting a thousand gray hairs, crying a hundred tears, or making a couple of photographers cringe when they see our family. Daddy takes many wonderful pictures of the two of you, and for now, that will have to be enough…at least until next week, when I might decide to have our annual family Christmas photo taken. For, in motherhood, hope always springs anew. We see the possibilities in our kids, and somehow, we forget the exhaustion when we look into their faces. All we see is love. When I woke up today, I didn’t see two little girls who wouldn’t smile for the camera. I saw two gifts from God who make me smile every day. And that is worth more than a thousand pictures.