Making Sure There’s No Second-Rate in Being Second

As I write this, Emma is watching her thirty minute DVD. It’s her TV allotment for the day, and she waited two years until she got viewing privileges. It’s a prized time in her day, though thankfully she still loves books and playtime with us, and we don’t even have to wear a big purple suit (think Barney.) As I write this, too, though, Lily is doing incredible, Cirque du Soleil worthy acrobatics to try to view the TV screen that I have tried to conceal with a blanket draped over a play gym. She is intent on seeing that glowing screen. Everyone told me that I would ease up on things with my second child, and I do feel a greater sense of ease in parenting her, but I also have a strong desire to make sure that there is no second-rate in being second. Maybe this is born of the fact that both my husband and I are second children, or maybe it is the teacher in me trying to make sure that the rules stay fair, but if I was worried about Emma’s brain development at this age, I want to be equally respectful of Lily’s neurons getting a chance to fire as well as possible, which means Lily is going to have to wait until her second birthday, too. The challenge, of course, is how to have her watch Emma delight in the beautiful glowing screen for the next year and a half while being denied the right herself. It’s tough to see your older sibling getting to do everything first, and it hardly seems fair to be held accountable for two years that occurred before you were ever on the earth. How are you supposed to catch up when you weren’t given the chance to be at the starting line when your older sibling took off? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. In the meantime, I am desperately questioning adults to find out how they and their own parents manage(d) the task of parenting separate but equally and reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry. I’m hoping that God will impart some wisdom in between bites of Malt-O-Meal. Hopefully I’ll have half as many answers as I have questions by the time Lily can ask me why she isn’t allowed to do the things her older sister is already doing. By the way, if your child is a Baby Einstein from all the DVDs (s)he watches, there’s definitely no judgment here. I’m so far from having all the answers about brain development, television viewing habits, and raising sisters who feel equally loved that I will not judge. I’m too busy critiquing myself and trying to make sure that I do as well as I can with my own two beautiful blessings. Thirty years from now, we might discover that kids who watched TV early were somehow at a greater advantage to compete in our technological society…then Lily will really have a reason to hold a grudge. Hopefully by then Barney will have imparted his wisdom, and she will realize that we really are a happy family.