Done by 9 a.m.

This morning, I was done by 9 a.m. 

7:20 a.m.  I was praying and thanking God for just how blessed I am to have my girls, a hubby I love, family that is healthy and such a positive presence in our lives, a home, food, and on and on…I felt wonderfully overwhelmed by all that I have been given.

7:30 a.m.:  I was informed that there were newly washed sheets that had just been soaked through (and no, I couldn’t “just let them dry” as sweetly suggested by my three-year-old.)  I stripped the bed, got the laundry going, finished packing Emma’s lunch, made sure she was ready, fed the girls breakfast, scarfed down my now cold oatmeal too quickly in an attempt to get us out the door on time, and got to the bus stop near our house.  Both girls were dressed.  I was in my pajamas. It was just one of those mornings. 

8:07 a.m.:  After getting to the bus stop with a few minutes to spare, we then held up the bus (and also the person sitting behind the bus who was probably now late to work) when my big one suddenly refused to take a seat on it.  The afternoon before on the bus, she had gotten out a piece of candy her teacher had given her.  A friend told her that they weren’t allowed to eat on the bus, and my tender hearted one thought that she was in terrible trouble.  She sobbed it out yesterday, we talked it out, the jury was out, and then I thought she realized that she had been absolved of the crime.  However, this morning, she decided that getting on the bus was just too tough.  I got her to climb up the bus stairs, the bus driver said that her behavior on the bus is excellent, and her friend that she was worried would bring up the candy crime wasn’t even on the bus.  Still, she cried ambulance siren loud, capturing the attention of the kids on the bus and the crowd of parents standing nearby.  At that moment, I committed a rookie parenting mistake in my desperation to get her to move forward and let the bus driver get to school on time.  I said that if she didn’t sit down in a bus seat, she couldn’t go to school.  Read here, a consequence I really didn’t want to enforce.  I value school and want her to feel that it is a privilege to go, yet not an optional activity.  So, we went in the house and I did some quick brainstorming.  I explained to her that the bus was going right to her school from our neighborhood, and Mommy would need to spend money on extra gas to drive her there.  Emma works hard for her money in her piggy bank, making a quarter for putting away the whole family’s laundry or other small wages for jobs that seem big to her.  I told her it would take two quarters to get to school (sadly, a bargain rate at today’s gas prices, I know, but an economics lesson is for another day.)  She hurried to get the money, promising that she would willingly take the bus home.  I hurried to change from pajamas to an actual outfit.  As we got in the minivan, she said, “Thank you so much, Mommy.”  The fact is, I was willing to drive her to school the whole year if necessary, but I wanted her to learn the consequences of not listening when I asked her to sit down on the bus.  No one was being unkind to her on the bus, she just felt guilty for getting out her candy.  I want her to be able to talk out her feelings, but I don’t want her to live in fear of a mistake she might make.  This parent thing, in all honesty, involves a whole lot of love and a fair amount of winging it and hoping and praying you’re doing way more good than harm.

8:40 a.m.  We walked Emma into school, got back in the car, and then my little one started lamenting that she doesn’t want to go to preschool, doesn’t like preschool, and just wants to stay home with Mommy.  Did I mention I don’t have all the answers?  I am torn between teaching her not to quit when something seems hard and pulling her from preschool and keeping her home with me another year.  On Thursday, I discovered that my sweet, bubbly Lily has not said a single word to an adult or a child in the month she’s been at preschool.  She has been completely silent, not talking to her peers, teachers, other parents, anyone.  No wonder she isn’t thrilled about going.  She loves to vocalize at home.  Next week, I plan to spend the whole preschool afternoon with her and hope to figure out what is going on and whether she should spend about five hours a week there or should wait until she’s older to hit the school scene.  I have analyzed this greatly, and her complaints four hours before she even needed to be at preschool wore me out just a little more.

9:00 a.m.  I say I was done by 9 a.m., but I should really say “undone.”  For, there is no being “done” as a mother.  The responsibilities, the fact that you are accountable for how you handle things and how you mold your kids, does not allow you to be “done” at any point in the day.  Coming “undone,” on the other hand, totally happens.  On more occasions than I can count, I have let things get to me and not been at my mothering best.  In an attempt to reclaim myself before I took my morning’s exhaustion out on Lily, I jumped in the shower and left her with books to read in my room.  I got out of the shower and heard her crying hysterically.  I hurried into my bathroom and discovered her with tears streaming down her cheeks, her dress having fallen in the toilet while she was using it.  Though I was just finishing my second and final load of laundry for the day, I made sure to tell her it was no big deal, that I didn’t mind at all.  I gave hugs, reassured her, and dried her tears.  Good thing Calgon had taken me away during my shower!

9:15 a.m.:  I realized how quickly L was able to move on after this.  And then came my moment of revelation.  Each of these exasperating, draining, stress-inducing moments of motherhood is also an opportunity, a teachable moment, a chance to strengthen my children’s character and allow them to grow.  It may be inconvenient for me; it may make me feel drained before the day has really begun, but without it, my children wouldn’t learn how to deal well with adversity, may not understand how people make mistakes and there is grace and a way to move through it, how it really is an important life skill to keep the small stuff in perspective.  Each of these inconveniences is actually useful, helpful, part of the schooling my children receive at home.  They don’t mean life is easier for me, but they do mean that it is more meaningful for them.  I may not have all of the answers, but I can provide support, turn moments of crisis for them into learning experiences, and model resiliency and an appreciation for acknowledging our feelings and keeping things in perspective.  I can teach them that I love them in all moments, the times they feel proud and the instances where they want to hide from their crimes.  The problems they cause now are small, but the way I handle them are huge in who they will turn out to be.  So, I have decided today, at 10 a.m., that I am most certainly not done.  I am only getting started in helping them discover who they are, how it is okay to feel how they feel and mess up and get up and keep going, how they are perfectly imperfect and though I love them imperfectly, I love them greatly and deeply and through anything.

10:00 a.m.  I am once again overwhelmed by all that I have been given, grateful for my children and their ability to laugh and cry, worry and wonder, create mounds of laundry that I need to do but am blessed to have.  And I am looking forward to the day ahead.

Preschool Popsicle Party

Lily Rebecca started preschool yesterday.  I have been nervous about it all week and woke up yesterday sick to my stomach, thinking about the transition ahead.  She and I have been enjoying our one-on-one time since Emma started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago.  We do miss Emma, but I have also found that Lily has learned so many things since she has been able to shine on her own.  She now loves to tell me her letter sounds, to practice counting, colors, shapes, and more.  We are getting a rhythm to our days as mommy and daughter, and it is tough to break up that pattern.  She even has said, “We are the two girls.  Emma is the three girl, but she is gone the whole day, so we’re the two girls.”  Even though she has enjoyed our time, Lily has been so excited to start preschool.  Having been through this once as a mom, some of my fears aren’t as great as they were a couple of years ago.  I know what a positive experience preschool was for Emma, and I am hoping and praying that it will be wonderful for Lily, as well.  She is so precious to me and our whole family.  It is tough to share her with a world outside of our family, but I also know that her life will most likely be richer for the experience. 

Last week, we went to her open house, and she quickly settled in with the many fun toys at preschool.  Since then, she has asked regularly when it is her turn to start school.  She and I had a mommy / daughter date complete with playground time and an ice cream treat in anticipation of the start of her school career.

After much anticipation on Lily’s part, preschool finally started yesterday afternoon.  Emma very sweetly expressed her disappointment that she wouldn’t be here to see Lily’s first day.  She said, “I want to be there.  I want to see.”  I assured her that we would take pictures and tell her all about it.  I loved that she wanted to be there for her little sis.  Conant took vacation time so that he could be a part of Lily’s big day.  They were so cute together yesterday morning, cuddled up with books in the recliner I used for Lily’s nighttime feedings when she was a baby.  Lily wanted to read her new book, Preschool Day, Hooray!, again and again.  Her aunt, uncle, and cousins had thoughtfully given it to her the day before to celebrate her start of preschool, and she took it quite seriously.  She worked to memorize each part of the book, trying to learn what was in store for her.  My favorite part is the last page where you lift a flap and it says, “It’s Mommy time!” when the mom comes to pick the preschooler up.  Each time she read this, she cheered and smiled a huge smile.  I think it was just as reassuring to me as it was to her.  I went over her preschool schedule with her, talking about each part of her afternoon so she knew what to expect.  It was so cute to see her practicing the things she knew all morning, though I reassured her that she didn’t need to worry about knowing everything.  She seemed to think that they were going to test her.  She would say, “Which color first?” to ask which color they would cover this month at preschool.  She told me the sounds of many letters and counted, too. 

Before we left for her afternoon preschool class, I had her decorate a sign that commemorated her “1^ST DAY OF PRESCHOOL.”  She colored a sun and a spider web, then started to write some letters on it.  C took pictures of our favorite preschooler while I provided entertainment behind the camera.  At one point, I picked a flower from a tree in our yard and gave it to her.  She loved it and wanted to take it to school.  When I asked if she wanted to give it to her teacher, she shook her head “yes.” 

When we arrived at school, it was still locked, so we got a quick photo of the three of us.  Proving that she is still our baby, she was sucking her thumb for the picture.  We are working on that habit, but it continues to provides comfort for her when she is concerned or tired.  Soon, we went inside, and she found her name by a hook.  I helped her hang up her backpack, and she went inside.  When it came time to give her teacher the flower, she gave it to her with my help, suddenly clinging to me.  Though she was very shy near her teacher, she soon fell into a rhythm of playing with the play kitchen and caring for a baby doll.  She colored and played some more.  Conant and I watched her for a while and met some of the other parents.  Finally, satisfied that she was settled, we told her goodbye.  It was tough for me to give her a goodbye hug and let go, but she was ready.  I felt a lump in my throat and thought that I would cry, but I was able to take a deep breath and just smile at how proud I was of her, sitting and independently creating with Play-Doh in such a new environment without shedding a tear. 

As we walked back out to our very empty minivan, Conant looked at me with the concern of a husband who knows the waterworks are imminent.  However, we had cleverly planned a diversion so that I wouldn’t just sit and worry about our baby girl.  It had been a while since Conant and I were on a date, so we took this opportunity to turn a tough afternoon into some fun couple time.  We went out to lunch, Emma snugly settled in kindergarten, and L excitedly starting her preschool year.  We had a wonderful time out together, and it was reassuring for me to have Conant there reminding me how happy Lily was to start school.  After lunch, we headed home, and I looked through Lily’s baby book, thinking about how blessed we were to have that smiling baby girl, how grateful we are to have such a fun loving three year old, and what a gift the days in between have been.

After school, when I picked her up, she was less than thrilled.  At first, I arrived and they were still playing outside, and she was in her element.  Then, they went inside and sent them out to the waiting parents in the hallway.  At that point, she wanted to cling to me and be held.  She said, “They did painting for art, and I didn’t get to paint at all. Not at all!  Not at all!  Nothing!”  She was clearly upset that the day was different than she had expected.  She hadn’t understood that painting was a center she could choose.  I think the separation was also tougher than she thought.  Later, she said, “All we do is work and play.  Work and play.  Work and play.”  When I asked her her favorite part, she said, “Snack.  We had pretzels.”  She did say she wants to go back, so hopefully her reaction of being tired and overwhelmed the first day will fade, and she will love her afternoons at school.  She has class two afternoons a week.  My guess is that she will adore it before long, but I don’t mind her being extra happy to see me at the end of preschool for now.  

After 5 ½ years of running errands and cleaning the house with little ones at my side, it will be a huge change to be alone for a little over four hours a week.  As much as it is hard to see Lily move away from our small family circle, there is a part of me that is excited to have time to get my “to do” list done so that the time I do have with her at home will be even better spent, quality time without as many distractions.

We had friends over last night, so we waited until today to officially celebrate her first day of preschool.  We made popsicles and had a “Preschool Popsicle Party” while I sang “Hooray for Lily!” again and again.  She beamed almost the whole time. 

Though it was hard for me to send Lily yesterday, I am also excited for her.  As she is able to learn and process about the world, she has us waiting at home to encourage and guide her.  Being a parent is tough, but it is such a gift.  As our children grow, we do, too.  We learn what they are capable of as we step back a little bit at a time, waiting for any moment they need to come back to us, but knowing that growing up is a process.  They need room to stretch even when we would just like to pull the covers over both of our heads, snuggle them tight, and keep them safe.  It is kind of like sucking your thumb, something that is soothing and comforting for a time, but not a healthy way to grow into adulthood.  Though an eighteen year cuddle fest with my girls might be tempting, I more want them to grow into healthy, happy adults, able to come back to me whenever they need encouragement but move away from me whenever they are ready for their confidence and skills to grow.  May I have the courage to let go one new step at a time, much the way I did two years ago when my now preschooler was learning to walk. 

I am so very proud of Lily and thankful to be her mommy.  I cannot wait to hear about all that she learns as I love her enough to learn to let go.

Emma's First Day of Kindergarten

Motherhood is often about transitions, and we try our hardest to both love and let go well.  Love happens to be the easy part.  Today, my Emma Grace, you started kindergarten.  We have been talking about this day for quite a while, and maybe it is just a credit to how very much I love your daddy, but I was more nervous this morning than on my wedding day.  That day, I knew that I was marrying my best friend.  This morning, I was letting one of my best girls spread her wings more than ever before, and it was tough.

On Monday, we got to go to your Open House and meet your teacher and see the other kids.

   

You were so excited.  After, you wished that school would start the very next day.  I wished that it wouldn’t start for quite some time.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for you.  It’s just that I love spending time with you, and I will miss you.  Monday, you told me, “Mom, it’s kind of like Mrs. P. (your teacher) will be my mom because I will spend all day with her.”  Now, if you’re a mother someday, you’ll understand that I didn’t take this personally but did feel a sinking in my heart.  I told you that you would have so much fun learning with your new teacher, but I will always be your mommy. 

Yesterday, the reality of the new change started to sink in for you.  First thing in the morning, you told me, “I am so glad I got you for a mom, the best mom in the whole world.  I got the very best mommy.”  Of course, this is said by most kids, but somehow it still makes a parent feel warm and fuzzy.  It is kind of like “I love you,” often used but still powerful when you can feel the emotion behind it.  Your kind words and sweet snuggles started my day off right.  You also said, “Saturday and Sunday are going to be my favorite days.”  I assured you that you would have so much fun at school, but Saturday and Sunday would be my favorite days, too.  We finished the Little House book These Happy Golden Years, snuggling and reading together most of the afternoon.

Last night, you picked out your dress.  I ironed it and laid it out for you and found a matching hair bow.  This morning, about 15 minutes before we planned to leave, you told me you wanted a different dress and hairstyle.  Normally, I would tell you that it was too late and you’d have to wear it the next day, but I wanted you to feel confident today, so I quickly ironed your other dress and styled your hair.  Then, Daddy took lots of pictures of you for me.  I took video.  On the video, you said you were most excited to “ride the bus,” which is funny, because it’s one of the hardest things for me to let you do.  Last night after you were in bed, I was crying pretty hard because I was having a tough time with all of this, and then Daddy said that I could always drive behind the school bus.  Pretty soon, we were laughing just as hard as I had been crying at the thought of a line of minivans following the bus, nervous parents forming a conspicuous parade that everyone would notice at each bus stop.

At breakfast, I gave you a kiss on the inside of your hand and wrapped your hand over it, reminding you that mommy’s kiss would stay with you all day.  We have read The Kissing Hand  together before, and you gave me an encouraging smile to let me know you understood.  I handed you your lunchbox which includes some of your favorite foods and a love note from me.  I hope it makes you smile.

When Daddy was taking pictures at our house before school, you were wishing you could just go to school, but then you saw the school bus picking up the kids in the neighborhood, and you smiled so excitedly.  L and I drove you to school, and Daddy came, too, to help drop you off.  

  

 

They had a cool balloon arch at the entrance.  The principal greeted you by name at the door.  We walked you in, stopped at your locker, and went into the classroom.    There were plenty of tears from parents and kids, and the little boy sitting next to you was crying hardest of all, poor thing.  I was worried this might get to you.  You looked very serious and somewhat concerned, but you stayed so brave.

 

After a few minutes, I could tell that I wasn’t going to stay as brave as you were, so I gave you one more kiss on your hand, asked you one more time if you wanted me to pick you up (and you said you still wanted to take the bus), reminded you to be a good listener, and told you that I couldn’t wait to hear about your fun day.

The school had a Kindergarten / New Parent breakfast after, or as your teacher dubs it, a “Boo Hoo Breakfast.”  We went, and while we were having breakfast in the library, only one class walked by the windows.  It was yours!  You gave us the biggest smile and wave, and it was such a priceless moment for me.  I was very grateful to see you so happy, comfortably walking in line, looking confident. 

 

After the breakfast, L and I drove away.  When we got home, I felt such an empty, sick feeling.  Though I know it sounds cheesy, I truly feel like part of my heart is inside your school.  I am so very proud of what a big girl you are becoming, thrilled to see you so excited to meet new kids and learn new things, so I will do my best to keep my tears to myself.  I want you to have the chance to love school for the wonderful place it can be, full of magical learning and fun friends, teachers who put their whole hearts into their job, and experiences that you will remember fondly.  I am happy that L will get what you got your first two years, lots of one-on-one time with me.  Still, she and I will both miss you very much.  She started playing dollhouse shortly after we got home.  I overheard her role playing with the dolls, saying, “Your sister, Emma, is at school.”  This summer, you told me that you will miss playing with her.  This will be an adjustment for all of us, but I can’t wait to hear about all that you experience.  The time we do have at home will continue to be sweet family time, but your world is getting bigger, and I am very proud of the little girl that I am sending out into it.  I love you with all my heart, my precious kindergartner.   

And now that you are home from school, I have to quickly add that you came home very happy. "The bus!" was your favorite part of kindergarten. When I asked why you, a devout lover of food, ate very little of your lunch, you said, "He said that it was almost time for recess, and I didn't want to miss recess!" Finally, you told me that you cried at recess time. I love how you articulate things: "Mom, I cried. I looked all around, and there were so many strangers everywhere. There was not a glimpse of Mrs. P. anywhere. Then, a lady with a green shirt and a microphone came up to me and asked who my teacher was. I cried more. Then, someone made the right guess of who my teacher was, and they called Mrs. P. over. I stopped crying when I saw her." Though I wished I could have been there for you, I am happy to hear you got the help you needed and proud of you for being such a brave girl on the bus. You can't wait to go back tomorrow! And now, I need to go snuggle with you and read our last Little House book, The First Four Years, per your request. So much changed today, but our connection is still as strong as ever. Can't wait to share a good book with my favorite kindergartner.

Sweet Spot

This summer has been such a parenting sweet spot. I have always been a baby and toddler person, but I quickly learned that having my own babies and toddlers was an awe-inspiring but unrelenting task. As my babies have grown into young children, I have discovered that I not only love them more with each passing day, I enjoy each new stage more, too. And I am head over heels in love with their current stage. Seriously, I can’t get over how cool it is to have a five year old and a three year old.

Five is truly my new favorite age. Emma is happy much of the time, sweet almost always, funny and creative in remarkable ways, and altogether lovely. Though she has her moments like any kid, she absolutely brightens our home daily. When I had a stomach bug earlier this week, she made me the most beautiful card that she thought of herself, found the supplies for, decorated, and wrote, all without any help: “EMMA LOVES MOMMY. LOVE [picture of a heart] EMMA AND LILY.” She enthusiastically pointed out that she wrote her letters in my favorite color, blue. On the inside, she drew our family, all holding hands under a bright and golden sun. She gave me a very colorful and stylish dress. On the back, she drew a sun with a big “MOM” underneath. I mean, five years of round the clock care can’t even buy that kind of love. I melted. Though I was feeling pretty rough, it cheered me up the instant I saw it and her proud, beaming face. The card also symbolized why this stage of parenting isn’t quite as exhausting. She is beginning to do things herself and do them well. She is able to get herself dressed, can help get out her snack if I am busy, and can even buckle herself in her car seat. Small victories, maybe, but a world of help when it is often 2 kids to 1 adult trying to get somewhere.

Emma is also so creative. She and Lily play a Memory game, “I Never Forget a Face,” that has multicultural pictures of people from around the globe. They both confidently name each person’s country of origin: “Haiti, Afghanistan, Tanzania, Bolivia, Russia, Scotland,” and on and on. They both start laughing when they come to Hawaii, saying, “Hawaii’s not a country!” They love their new game, which they were given as a gift last month. Well, this week, like many families around the globe, we have been watching the Olympics. Being a teacher, I wanted to get out a map so that they could see where each athlete came from. Emma went and got her game and started placing the faces on the corresponding countries. Seeing her mature into someone capable of thinking of that herself, much less doing it, is such a joy. I thank God for her growing mind and her passion for learning. Kids are sponges, and Emma definitely loves to soak up information. I love to have fun learning together.

The thought of sending her to school full time in a few weeks breaks my heart. I told my hubby, “I feel like I’ve put in all these years with her, and now she is getting to such an incredible stage, and I have to share her.” The truth is, I would have had trouble sharing her if she was five months or fifteen years. It probably has less to do with the stage and more to do with a huge transition for me. I feel blessed that I have had this time with her. It wasn’t always easy, but it was so worth it. As she heads to school, I know she will learn a ton, have a wonderful time interacting with her peers, and benefit so much from the great school she will be at, but it still hurts to think of letting her go. I question if I’ve taught her enough, played with her often enough, taken enough advantage of each moment I’ve had with her. In the beginning, the time really didn’t go that quickly. There were sleepless nights and days filled with crying (usually her tears, sometimes mine.) However, somewhere along the line, time began to seemingly pick up the pace. I feel now like things are on fast forward, and I wonder if I’ve fully taken advantage of all of the moments I’ve had. I hope she looks back someday and feels like I did.

As Emma heads to kindergarten, the only one more devastated than me will probably be Lily. The girls are the best of friends. I mean that. They play together almost constantly, coming up with so many imaginative plays, scenarios, tea parties, and reading sessions. They are beyond my best dreams for what sisters could be together. I fear that Lily will be adrift without her favorite big sis. For her part, Emma has told me she will miss Lily. Three is a rather challenging age, with emotions often wide ranging, potty battles ongoing, and opinions bigger than independent skills and abilities. However, the girls’ tight bond allows me to adore this parenting stage, even with Lily still going through the difficult transition of three. Lily is so joyful when they play and create together, it often pulls her out of the toughness of three and makes her beam proudly and reach farther than she would alone. I am grateful that I will have one-on-one time with her like I got with Emma in the beginning and that she can discover who she is without a mastermind behind her creative games. Still, I know that I can’t compete with a big sis whose imagination carries Lily places I might not even think of now that I’m solidly into adulthood. We still have fun. This morning, I planned a Tea Party breakfast in our three seasons room in celebration of the London Olympics and had two very delighted girls, but I know I have my limitations, brought on by age and the need to handle household tasks throughout the day. I only hope that I can continue to help Lily blossom into all that she is meant to be, that I can remember to take the time to be her playmate and friend as well as her mom. She has such a phenomenal spirit, a sparkle in her eyes and a smile that emanates from within her petite little body. I want to do justice to the precious gift I was given in her.

Change is always hard. This year, we’ve moved, and now I need to prepare to send my oldest to full day kindergarten and my youngest to preschool a few hours a week. I am definitely struggling with the emotions of this transition. When I think about all that I have been entrusted with, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled by the ways I could have probably done better the past five years.

As I was in the middle of typing that last sentence, Emma just came in to ask for help with something. Feeling reflective, I asked her, “Do you think, in the past five years, I’ve done okay as your mommy?” Thoughts of times I’d checked my Facebook account or put her off for “just one more minute” that turned into twenty as I checked laundry or called a friend came to my mind.

She looked at me, said, “Mmm-hmm,” paused for a moment, then said, “I love having you for a mommy so much. I don’t think any other mommy would be just perfect for me.”

Wow! Did I mention that I love having a five year old? It doesn’t hurt that she’s the absolutely perfect five year old for me. So thankful today that I was given two girls that I love with all my heart. Through the transition ahead, they will still be my girls, and I will still be their mom. And that is the sweetest spot of all.

Happy Birthday To My Favorite Three Year Old On The Planet

Today is your Golden birthday, Lily Rebecca. You are three, and you are so proud and excited to be having a birthday. It has been such a sweet day together. Daddy kindly took Emma to preschool so that we could snuggle extra, read story after story, and have a leisurely breakfast together. You loved it and soaked it all up. We even stopped to get you balloons and met Daddy for lunch, and you proudly brought your balloons in with you and enjoyed any “Happy Birthday” that came your way. Today, you get to begin to eat nuts, and you are in awe that you have finally reached this milestone. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but Emma was so excited for you, and we consented to a treat with a tiny bit of nuts at lunchtime. So far, so good. 

Lately, you like to change your outfit at least four times a day. Typically, I work to deter you because it usually means more laundry for me, but today, to your delight, I just complimented each selection, and you beamed. You are such a sweetheart.

You love to be silly and make others laugh. You sing and you twirl, and you look demure but smile when people give you kind words. You can’t wait to dip into the dress up bin and become a fancy princess. You enjoy snuggles and reading together and playing outside and spending time with your big sister. You get so excited for Friday Family Fun and are even more thrilled when it is your turn to decide what we do. After nap, you choose to watch your thirty-minute movie of the day rather than have a snack, though any other time, you love your snacks. You like piggy back rides from Daddy, compliments from Mommy, healthy foods and sweet foods, swinging “super high”, and life in general. You still gallop joyfully from place to place, and it makes Daddy and me smile. You know your colors and your phone number, can spell your name and count to twenty-five (though sometimes you skip a couple of numbers in the teens ;-P), sweetly say your ABCS, recite the days of the week and months of the year, and like to point out the red octagons (stop signs) that we pass. Your mind is soaking up new information each day, and I love to be here to experience it with you.

As is often true of three year olds, you are hitting the age where you are very opinionated. You don’t like to be told to go potty, to put on a sweater, or to hurry to get out the door to bring Emma to school. You are starting to realize your autonomy from me, and that means more tantrums and time outs, but it is still exciting to see you become more of your own person. I am proud to watch you grow beautifully into yourself.

Three years ago today, your Mommy was blessed to have a high-risk pregnancy end with a two hour labor and a bundle of pure joy in her arms. No words can express the absolute love and gratitude I felt in that moment. And that feeling hasn’t changed, only grown as you have. Happy third birthday, baby.

The Windy City

We took the girls and my parents into Chicago today. It was the girls’ first time to the Windy City. I know, it’s amazing that we live so close and they’ve never been, but today we had a very special reason for an overdue visit. Emma had saved up enough to get her beloved American Girl doll. Through doing extra jobs around the house and the generosity of birthday benefactors (she used all of her grandparent and great-grandparent birthday money to go toward the doll and an American Girl gift card from her friend), she had reached her goal of saving to buy the doll of her dreams. So, the six of us loaded up and headed to Chicago. There are many things I’d like to remember from today, and most of them are best told in pictures. First, as we entered the city, Lily looked around in wonder at the tall buildings and skyscrapers and exclaimed, “Look! It’s a magic castle.” “There are so many magic castles, Daddy.” It is such a privilege to see things through the eyes of a child’s first experience. I love my little Lily, pictured here ready to go on our recent Mommy / Daughter date to the Beauty and the Beast play. She thinks in rainbows and magic castles and hugs and “I love you so much!” declarations. She is such a joyful presence, and she was fun to have along as an important part of our family on her big sister's big day.

 

Next, as we arrived at American Girl Place in Chicago, I reveled in the anticipation Emma felt as she got so close to her goal and soaked up the excitement her grandparents felt for her, at the fact that we could all enjoy this moment together as a family.

 

The store itself was a bit overwhelming for Emma, so after checking out the dolls, we took a lunch break to think about her big decision of which doll to choose.

 

We had lunch at The Signature Room on the 95th floor of the John Hancock building. The kids and adults were all in awe of our incredible view. We left with full bellies and happy hearts, feeling like we’d seen so much of Chicago from above.

 

After lunch, Emma couldn’t wait to return to American Girl Place so that she could bring her doll home. That was our next stop, and she bought a doll that looks a lot like her and a brush for the doll’s hair. She handed over her money and paid for pretty much everything but the tax, which we were happy to quietly cover.

I will remember the absolute delight on Emma’s face as we had the doll be “born,” freed from the package as we all gathered in the kitchen after we returned home. She was so proud of the doll she had “bought herself” and thanked the people who helped contribute to her cause. 

 

Speaking of memories, today made me think of a memory I hold dear from my own childhood. When I was a little girl, I saved for a long time to buy my very own Cabbage Patch doll, the cherished doll of my time. I remember thinking how amazing it was that the clerk rang the doll up for the exact amount I had saved, $36.25. I also remember floating through the grocery store with my family after, barely believing that regular life and grocery runs went on when something so incredible had happened to me. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I found out that my parents had gone into the store ahead of time, paid the difference between the $36.25 that I had and how much the doll had cost, and had not let on that they helped me accomplish my goal. Never had I felt more loved than when I discovered this in my college years. They had taught me the value of hard work by having me save for my doll for about a year, but they had also demonstrated grace by giving me more than I deserved and doing it quietly, so that I would only know of it much later. This has been an especially busy time in our lives, but I hope that our sweet Emma will also look back upon this someday and realize that we loved her so much, we wanted to teach her to work hard, save, and make her dreams come true. Though life has been jam packed, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to take her to the store and let her empty her wallet and walk out feeling richer. Now, she has a beautiful doll by her side, but what makes her so much more blessed is that she has a family that couldn’t be happier for her, so many people who will always be on her side, encouraging her to work hard and pulling for her dreams to come true.

  

Birthday Girl

Our precious Emma Grace is about to turn five. Each morning, she tells me how many days until her birthday. Last year, I had to tell her each day how much longer she still had to wait. This year, she started the countdown on her own. So many things about her have grown and matured. She is reading simple early readers with just a bit of help, counting past one hundred, and excitedly writing letters, words, and numbers. Beyond her academic learning, for which I am grateful, are the life skills that make me even more proud. She has always been a sweetheart, but her loving nature is expanding as she gets older. She thinks of other people, seeks to help those that are less fortunate, tries to be considerate of others’ feelings, attempts to cheer up those who are sad, plays beautifully with her little sister most of the time, often shows appreciation toward others, and is respectful to her teachers at school. At this point, she is a rule follower. She wants to do the right thing, often being harder on herself than I need to be on her. She loves going to school and adores her teachers and the other kids. It has been fun to watch her social confidence grow. She giggles heartily, a wonderful addition to her sometimes serious nature. Her sense of humor has blossomed, and she loves to joke with those she feels comfortable around. Of course, whatever her demeanor, we adore her. At school, her self-proclaimed favorite thing is snack, though she also talks about her teachers and friends quite a bit. Her favorite special is gym (physical education), followed by library and Spanish. In her downtime, she still loves books and spends a long time reading them most days. Usually, she still reads from memory or makes up the stories as she goes along. She also enjoys pretend play with her doll house. Imaginary play with her sister (playing doctor, preschool, and restaurant) are some of her most giggle-filled moments. Happily, she still loves to snuggle with me and listen to the Little House chapter books. I am thankful for these sweet sessions together. She continues to very much look forward to visits from her grandparents, absolutely loves when they read to her, play with her, and take her out to eat. She thoroughly enjoys food, sleeps well at night, and spends her time in a nice mix of sitting quietly to read, draw, or write and running around and being silly, like the carefree preschooler that she is. She is also learning to work toward a goal. She has seen many of her friends excitedly receive American Girl dolls, and she has hoped for one of her own. We wanted to teach her the value of hard work, so she has been working toward earning the doll by unloading the dishwasher for 20 cents, putting away the whole family’s laundry for 25 cents, hanging up coats for a penny each, and other odd jobs that pay far below minimum wage when done at the pace of a four-year-old. She still does her regular jobs as just part of her family responsibility, but she is learning a lot from having to do extra work and seeing how much it takes to buy such a special doll. Lucky for her, she also gets to put her birthday money toward the doll, so she should get it before 2013. ;-P Recently, she was so excited that a store had sent her a gift card in the mail for her birthday. She talked about it for days. When we finally went to the store so that she could pick something out, she said that she really wanted to get something for her baby boy cousin, due to arrive this summer, declaring that he doesn’t have anything yet (still being in the womb and all), and she already has some things. Earlier that same day, after I threw her class a Valentine’s Day party with another room mom, I asked her what her favorite part of the party was. She loves to eat, so I thought she’d say snack. Instead, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, “Just being with you, Mom.” There are many moments in motherhood that are exhausting and challenging, but I have been making a concerted effort lately to dwell in these other moments, the times when she melts my heart with her generosity toward others or her kindness toward me. She still whines like any almost-five-year-old, sometimes gets frustrated with her little sister, often melts down over seemingly minor details, and doesn’t always complete her chores as quickly as I would like, but she is healthy, curious, and one of the kindest human beings I know. I am so grateful and proud to call her my daughter, and I want her to know that now and always. I have been beyond blessed to be given my priceless Emma Grace. So, it is with much happiness and deep emotion that I celebrate her turning five, understanding that she will continue to surprise, challenge, amaze, and impact me in ways I never could have imagined before I became her mother. I thank God for my Emma Grace.